exercise – Page 8 – The only certainty is bad grammar

RANDOM: Apture, jazzercise, da Bears

Published: November 10, 2009 / Updated: November 10, 2009 Crystal bears, exercise, humor, im cool, long, random thoughts, Wow

You may have noticed a new, supa cool thing on my Web site. It’s called Apture, and it’s the little icons next to all my links.

It makes it so you don’t have to actually click the link, but instead can just roll over the word and the information will appear. Like internet magic.

It also let’s me put related content in the same link, under the main picture. So when I write about, say, Johnny Depp, I can include a link to his bio, and then like five of his pictures underneath that you can click on. Fun times.

Also, Jazzercise is kicking my butt. And it’s making want carbs crazy style.

I usually stick to about 1,000 calories a day. Fine. 800. (Don’t judge me. Losing weight is hard).

But now, I’m hunting through my empty shelf in the fridge like I there’s a winning lottery ticket in there. I haven’t quite figured out how to deal with this, but I’m hoping I’ll get more used to the workout from heck in the next week or so.

Speaking of not eating. Shopping is crazy fun since I’ve lost weight. Crazy expensive, but still crazy fun. None of my old clothes even stay up with a belt, so I’ve had to buy some new classic pieces. I don’t want to buy too much because I’m still hoping to lose 25 more pounds, but it’s not like I can just wear baggy pants everyday with shirts down to my knees right?

So I got this crazy amazing black fitted blazer from the Banana Republic outlet store Sunday. The already discounted outlet price of $80 was slashed down to $40. I’m just lucky like that I guess.

How many days a week do you think I can wear it? I’m shooting for five. Fine. Seven.

Also, what is UP with the stupid bears? Seriously. I don’t even know what to say anymore. At first, after the Packers game, I was all, “It’s cool. We can get past this. Jay Cutler was just nervous.”

But then, my heart just started to hurt and I felt a little guilty for being so hard on Cutler.

Eventually though, I just got p*ssed. I mean seriously Lovie, get your crap together, right? Why is he even our freaking coach? And why does our offensive line suck so bad? They make tons of money, the least they can do is pretend to care.

After that, I was just sad. Lonely. I started to fully realize how bad the team is. This was right around the time I started hating the Bengals.

By the next week, I started to realize that I didn’t NEED to watch every second, of every game. Not only could I multi-task during the first half, I could just skip huge chunks of it to go shopping. I felt like I was gaining organization in my life.

Then, I realized that the best way to deal with this whole mess of team this year was to not take things too seriously. And finally, I accepted the fact that Bears will not be going to the playoffs this year.

It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Well, actually, Jazzercise makes if feel like there’s weights on my shoulders all day. But you get the point.

Jazzercise just needs better branding.

Published: November 7, 2009 / Updated: November 8, 2009 Crystal exercise, feminism?, humor, im cool

I had so much sweat on my body after my first Jazzercise class that there was not a dry square centimeter left on my T-Shirt to wipe my face.

Not one.

How gross/awesome is THAT?

I’m almost too tired to write this actually. That’s how bad it kicked my butt from here to Texas.

I did a class Friday and then another today. Likely because I love torture and whatnot.

What’s that? You thought Jazzercise was for 50 year olds? ME TOO.

It is not.

At all.

I decided to try it after a former co-worker swore up and down that it made her buff, and happy and glorious. And then some other women at a Pampered Chef party said the same.

I’ve been walking 4 miles a day, five days a week to lose weight – but stupid, stupid winter is looming, so I had to find something indoors that did not involve a treadmill.

I checked into Curves and Jazzercise.

The women on the Curves Web site looked like they could be my friends.

The women on the Jazzercise Web site looked like they’d make a decent living as strippers.

Show me a woman who doesn’t want to look like a stripper and I’ll show you a lier.

I understand though.

“Jazzercise.”

It sounds like a bunch of girls wearing layered socks, too much blue eyeshadow and big hair. That’s why I’m officially proposing that the name be changed. It’s the only way word will ever spread about how freakishly awesome this is.

May I suggest – Wicked Magic.

See, then they can totally play up the “makes your butt look like the stripper’s down the street” aspect without sounding weird. Also, the “wicked” word makes is seem supa cool.

If you’re interested in coming to a class with me, the first one’s free. I’ll totally come pick you up.

Seriously.

It’s wicked magic.

the pair of jeans that moved me to tears

Published: November 3, 2009 / Updated: November 3, 2009 Crystal daily photo, exercise, humor, im cool, medium

All the not eating, and walking, and not eating, and calf work-outs on the playground equipment, and not eating, and lunges down the trail, and not eating, has finally, finally, FINALLY!!!!! given me a genuine reason to smile.

My skinny jeans slipped right on this morning.

The jeans that have sat on the closet shelf for the last 6 years waiting for me. Waiting in all their skinny jean glory for me to be ready to wear them again. They’ve tagged along from apartment, to apartment, to best friend’s condo, to current co-worker’s townhome – all the while patiently sure that I would one-day slip them all the way up again.

They always had faith in me, even when I lost faith in myself.

They knew.

When I think about it all, I really do tear up.

There’s just something about a pair of jeans that can do that to a girl I guess.

jeans 1

It’s kind of hard to take a full-body picture of yourself with a cell phone, but I promise these are my legs. You can tell, because I’m the only person alive who considers 2002-jeans with fake-wear marks across the thighs cool anymore. (sorry about the messy bed).