im cool – Page 20 – The only certainty is bad grammar

I wouldn’t take his name because it’s hard to pronounce / I now love b.reith

Published: September 26, 2009 / Updated: September 26, 2009 Crystal god, humor, im cool, long

At first, I was kinda worried I’d somehow been talked into going to a Christian headbanging concert last night.

Not that I don’t love the headbanging-for-Jesus set or anything, it’s just that it hurts my neck, and I don’t really like jumping up and down for 37 minutes straight to express enthusiasm – I’m more of a clapper.

Lucky for me, it was SO much awesomer than a headbanging concert. Rather, there was this one band, and this other band, and a couple other bands AND B.Reith.

(pronounced B.Right). (I think).

musical sigh.

I love him now.

Not only are his lyrics rockin, and not only is he kinda from the area (Milwaukee), and not only is he Christian, but people, he’s ALSO hott. (complete with the extra t.).

His style is a mix of Eminem (if Eminem loved God), Weezer and Gym Class Heros (I’m not sure if either of them love God – but if they did and they mixed their sounds with Eminem, they’d sound like B.Reith).

My favorite line of the night went something like “How’d I get so popular? I blame my face. opps. I mean MySpace.”

I felt like dancing in the aisles during his set. No joke. (I didn’t though because that would make me seem crazy. Duh.).

Immediately after he got off stage I started concocting ways to meet him. My first plan included a bag of coffee beans, a cigarette and a bottle of water.

Then I remembered that he’s barely famous and opted instead to just wait in line near his merchandise table.

I wanted to say something along the lines of:

Hello. My name is Crystal. I thought your performance was downright amazing. Your mad writing skills blew me away. I got your jokes, saw your point of view and was inspired all at once. Would it be at all possible for you to sign my CD? Really. Great! Ya, it’s C.R.Y.S.T.A.L. Oh, and I loved the joke you made about MySpace. That was hi.larious.

I wish you only the best! Also, I love Milwaukee, and I hope you have a good time with your parents tonight.

Instead, I waited about 10 minutes behind a line of girls who couldn’t get a legal drink, and then when I got up to him, said:

Hi!!! Ummm. Can you sign my CD?? C.R.Y.S.T.A.L! I liked your joke about your face and MySpace! He. He. OK. umm. Thanks!

Flying between clouds I was after that though people. Just floating around and loving life.

It was glorious.

And I immediately went over to show my now-prized CD to Lynn (the friend from church who’d taken me to this concert in the first place).

She’s never satisfied though.

Although she was semi-impressed by the autograph, she decided I needed to get a picture with this man.

I’m not sure she clearly understood how crazy I had already looked though, so I insisted on not bothering the poor guy with such a request.

As a compromise we decided to have her stand in front of him while I stood about a foot in back of him. The plan was for me stare at the camera and wait until he happened to turn toward her and then FLASH!, she’d take the picture, and it’d kinda sorta look like I was standing next to him and we’d run away so as not to seem crazy.

Strangely, that didn’t work too well.

After trying to casually look over his shoulder for about 8 minutes, I finally decided to just tap his back and ask for a freaking photograph.

I figured that because he’s Christian he had to say yes.

And while he was awkwardly putting his arm around me (he-touched-me sigh) I told him that I happen to write a funny blog and Oh. Here’s my card. (Hey B. Reith,if you’re reading this – Facebook me!).

Ok. Ok. Here’s the picture. Note how I’m smiling like I just got a $5,000 bonus check AND learned that Oprah likes my blog, while his smile is more “I thought I already signed this girl’s CD. Man. Fans are so weird. (fame’s-hard sigh)”

I don’t care though. Because that guy right there is my future husband, and I need photos like this for the grandkids.

Also, because I know you’re too lazy to YouTube him yourself, I have inserted one his videos into this post. Hit play, and remember to thank me next time we hang out:

You LOVED IT! right? Well, here’s one more. (It has more God in it) (you’ll have to excuse the random man singing “do do do” around the 2:05 mark).

Tuesday I get a little sideways

Published: September 15, 2009 / Updated: September 15, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, journalism

Right now, I’m spending all my time working out, planning youth group and going to my real job.

All told, that equals about 27 hours a day.

I day dream about olive garden breadsticks while weighing myself everyday twice a day five times a day to stay on track. And then I walk at least 3 miles.

While not drooling over taco bell commercials, I go through things I need to do for church. Did I facebook stalk the students who didn’t come Sunday? Check. Did I figure out a game that adequately brings up spiritual gifts? Sort of. Did I nail down how many kids are coming to the November concert? Not even close.

In the middle of all that I check my work e-mail about 37 times. An hour. I also obsessively check news site to see if I missed anything I should have covered and to make sure none of the Bears’ players randomly injured themselves mid-week.

I know, I know. My life is so exciting that you totally wish you were me right now.

It’s cool. So does the dog.

hanging out with the past

Published: September 11, 2009 / Updated: September 11, 2009 Crystal feminism?, humor, im cool, medium

my friend donell is in town.

I’m just going to go ahead and carelessly throw his name into this post because I don’t believe him when he says he reads my blog.

he and i go way back to that one party in high school where i wore the red heels. oh. and prom. we went to my prom together. mostly we just fought the whole time, but that was because we were two stupid teenagers. plus, he totally started it.

Anywho, he’s in town from Texas. or maybe Louisiana. I’m not exactly sure where he lives these days. somewhere down south.

We keep in touch via Facebook pokes and birthday texts enough though that I wanted to at least see him while he visited the land of lincoln. you know, to make sure he was still as cute in person as his profile picture led me to believe.

I knew the whole thing would be supa surreal, but that didn’t stop it from being SUPA SURREAL.

I like to think I’m 10 years older than i was when i was 16, what with the calendar telling me so and whatnot. but when i hang out with him it’s like im a little girl hoping he’ll hug me good-bye. I lose all ability to interpret secret boy code or come off as any sort of charming.

the whole thing was made even stranger because our other friend Jason also joined the group. (again, throwing his name out there because im pretty sure he was just being polite when he took my blog card).

i went to homecoming with Jason. we didn’t fight the whole time, but i do remember yelling at him while we sat at an intersection. or, wait. maybe that was a different day. no. no. it was homecoming. i remember wearing the blue and black dress while i scolded him by name.

anyway, both of these guys were just the very coolest in my teenage eyes.

i dreamed of the day when i’d be able to dance with jason without bumping my head on his (yes. that happened). or when donell would deem me worthy of official “girlfriend” status (that never ended up happening).

but as i hung out with these guys and all their friends Thursday night i realized that it wasn’t a matter of cool versus uncool, it was a matter of different.

i had to hang out with them growing up because my world didn’t extend beyond a five-mile radius of my house. but i’ve gotten older since then. i’ve gotten a car, an education, and a VZNavigator.

i found my way to people like me. people who care about the potential impact of social media on our lives. people who read newspapers and watch the West Wing on DVD. people who don’t get high every freaking day.

well, donell’s at least ON facebook i guess, but i’d bet my blackberry that Jason doesn’t even know what a status update is.

they care about the latest local bands, the pros and cons of Miller Lite or Old Sytle and umm, ya. i think that’s pretty much it.

just because i don’t, doesn’t mean im not cool though.

one of the first things i did when i exchanged pleasantries with Jason was offer my blog card. (it’s a habit i have). and as i handed it to him, he asked why i’d never been to one of his band’s shows.

that’s when i figured it all out.

umm, jason, i haven’t gone to any of your shows because i HATE the type of music you play and only went while 16 because i had a mad crush on you. why in gutair’s name would i put myself through that for any other reason?

now, none of that is a slam on jason’s music. it’s just a reflection of reality.

all of us are different.

and the only reason we ever tolerated each other in the first place was that we couldn’t see anything more than 5 miles away.

thank God for google maps.