medium – Page 18 – The only certainty is bad grammar

A nerd with a worn-off spray tan.

August 11, 2010 Crystal feminism?, humor, medium

I’ve starting wearing my hair in double french braids every day because blowing dry your hair sucks and I have no time for such things.

I also finally threw away those two-week contacts that I’ve been wearing since, umm, Lent (ish), but that means I’m sporting my glasses on a daily basis.

I’m officially a nerd with a worn-off spray tan.

I blame my new commute. Spending almost three hours in a car everyday to go from Naperville to Crystal Lake via a detour and back is about as much fun as a migraine mixed with a sprained ankle mixed with sunburn.

I’m never going to find a boyfriend this way.

Seriously.

The way I figure it, the only chance I have of meeting a nice, respectable boy/man/guy is if I crash into someone somewhere along Route 59, but I kind of think that would kind of suck, seeing as how I need my car so much these days and the potential for injuries or whatever.

But these are the things I think about when I’m driving. That, and I try to figure out whether Brett Favre will actually, really, finally retire this year so the Bears can make the play-offs.

Anyway, ya, do you know anyone?

Perhaps a nice, young man who doesn’t mind french braids, glasses and a worn off spray tan?

Also, who lives close by?

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Traffic diaries

July 24, 2010 Crystal feminism?, humor, medium

To: Man who was driving a motorcycle on Route 31 yesterday

Re: When I cut you off.

Dear sir,

I’m sorry. All right. I swear on all things drivable that I did not see you when I made that right into your lane on Route 31 last night. I promise that I always do my very best to be super extra careful around motorcycles whenever I see them because I’ve written articles about how very easy it is to kill someone driving down the road on two little wheels.

I always let them pass me, I make sure I’m aware of where they are, and I never turn in front of them. (Except yesterday, of course, but like I said, that was an accident).

So ya, I’m really, really sorry. And I just wanted to explain that there’s a hill on that part of the road or something and THAT’s why I didn’t see you. But don’t worry, when you flicked me off for a full 30 seconds while trying to kill me with your eyes, I saw that.

I did.

And I wanted so bad to get out of the car and explain that I was not in fact trying to kill your or anything, I just honest to goodness didn’t see you. I swear.

Also, you should think about wearing a helmet. Just sayin.’

Sincerely,

Crystal

My life, in no particular order.

Published: July 20, 2010 / Updated: July 20, 2010 Crystal god, humor, im cool, medium, random thoughts

1. I signed up for Netflix to get a bonus for that stupid Social City game I play on Facebook because I have a crush on a 22-year-old boy named Jesse and he asked me to play. And then, when I got my first DVD in the mail, I accidentally ripped the return envelope, so I couldn’t mail it back. So, instead of putting it in a new envelope, I upgraded my plan so I could get another DVD and them mail them back together. All told, I’ve spent about $31 renting two discs from The Wire Season 1.

2. Commuting an hour each way to work still sucks for those thinking of moving an hour away from their jobs. I get so tired that I now spend an entire day each week sleeping during commercial breaks of USA network shows so I can recover from the drive.

3. The best part of living with April is that I can borrow her stuff!! Today, for example, I’m wearing some silver shoes she doesn’t like anymore and a set of bangle bracelet. Both are hers and both are fabulous! (Confession, the bangles are really annoying to type with, but I wore them all day anyway because they look so freaking cute).

4. I just had my mug shot taken for my newspaper and even though it’s only going to run in black and white I put on a full coat of make-up because I know that if I ever die in the type of freak accident that kills otherwise healthy 26-year-olds, my paper will totally run that photo large and in color on the front page.

5. WGN was at a meeting I that covered this week for work and I was in some of their shots and now I’m on TV!!! (HERE: http://tinyurl.com/3yjqws5) I’m in the blue dress with the gray sweater, with a laptop in front of me. I dare say my leg looks pretty.

6. Mad Men, the best TV show ever in the history of all things, starts Sunday, but I don’t have AMC (the channel) at my new place. Do you think that’s the kind of thing I could go into Buffalo Wild Wings and request to be put on the big screen?

7. I have fallen in love with food from Panda Express and the accompanying soy sauce packets they hand out by the truck load. The only problem is that there’s probably enough salt in their food to make me pee ocean water.

8. We got our videos of the mission trip last Sunday and it rocks and if you want to cry and be inspired and have your perspective kicked in the butt in less than 18 minutes, hit me up and we can watch it together.