The only certainty is bad grammar

What makes me saddest about those horrible GoDaddy commercials that try to be porn during the Super Bowl is that GoDaddy is actually a really, really great web hosting company.

Period.

Here’s a look at one of the spots they ran (for the three of you who were watching the puppy bowl instead of the game):

First of all, what the crap does that even say about Web hosting? Nothing. Less than nothing, actually. Second, Danica Patrick is barely even famous. Third, they could have just used ME instead.

I would have even done it for free, as long as they mentioned my blog (think of the CLICKS!!). Obviously it wouldn’t be all porn-like, if it was me in it. (duh). Instead, it would be testimonial style.

I’d tell my [true ] story about GoDaddy, which would be inter-cut with B-roll of my blog and me at my laptop in my mario bros. pajama pants.

Picture it:

[Start with me, sitting on a stool in a blank white room, talking to the camera:]

Hi. My name is Crystal Lindell. I’m the creator of the site, “The only certainty is bad grammar.” It’s a blog I run at sevenlayerburritos.com. [Show screen shot of blog, with mouse moving around it].

I started the site a couple years ago on one of those free blog platforms. But in 2008, I decided to take it to the next level and get my own domain.

I decided to use GoDaddy for my hosting services because, well, honestly, they were the only company I knew about. But it’s worked out great, and I’ve been using them ever since. I mean, their prices are amazing, and their technical support, well, let’s just say, I didn’t even know what a server was when I started, but they’ve always been there to help.

In fact, one time, my site wasn’t loading. I guess GoDaddy was having problems with a server or something, and I was getting really frustrated. I actually even sent out a Twitter message that said something like, ‘If GoDaddy doesn’t fix its server soon, I’m going to have to find a new hosting service.’ [Inter-cut shot of the Tweet, or me using Twitter].

Then, within minutes, a GoDaddy support person found the tweet, realized which Web site I ran, found my account and called me. [Maybe play a clip of a GoDaddy calling someone]. I mean, he actually called me on my phone. He said he was the company’s Twitter guy and that he wanted to help fix my problem.

At first, I was a little freaked out, but then I realized this was the real deal. He ended up moving my site over to a blog-specific server that was better able to deal with my archives. Within like an hour, the whole thing was up and running, and it didn’t cost me anything.

I haven’t had any problems since.

Now, I recommend GoDaddy to everyone I know who’s even thinking about starting a site. [show footage me recommending GoDaddy to a hot guy, maybe Johnny Depp, or if Danica is under contract or something, it could even be her].

I know they’ll have some seriously good support, and I wouldn’t want anything less for my friends. [End with a shot of me smiling or laughing or something].

The end.

Now, how could that NOT make you want to go start a web site with GoDaddy, like yesterday? THAT commercial would have been about a ka-jillion times better, and I guarantee it would have gotten people talking because everyone would have been so happy that GoDaddy wasn’t offending every woman ever.

But no, they decided to make a sex scene instead. So, now I have to go around constantly defending the company to my friends, telling them that that stupid spot wasn’t representative of GoDaddy’s service at all.

And that’s just lame.