medium – Page 34 – The only certainty is bad grammar

Be here now.

Published: October 11, 2009 / Updated: October 11, 2009 Crystal im cool, medium

When I’m sinking in an article – the world seems right.

As I’m constructing the story, and absorbing the interview notes, and carefully placing each word in each sentence, my surroundings fade away. I’m not worried about money, or car repairs, or bad dates.

When I’m leading the youth group – the world seems content.

As I’m handing out hot dog buns, and leading prayer, and connecting with a kid I never imagined I’d connect with, the stress blurs. I’m not strategizing office politics, or wondering if I’ll ever have kids, or concerning myself with the fate of health care.

When I’m eating pancakes with old friends – the world seems good.

As I’m discussing the fate of journalism, and looking through last night’s photos, and fantasizing about life in the city, the self-judgment takes a break. I’m not tallying omelet and syrup calories in my head, I’m not comparing my financial success to anyone’s expectations and I’m not wondering how my eyebrows look.

A friend told me she once had a professor who used to say: Be here now.

It’s hard though. People always say technology makes it harder, but it’s always been hard.

You have make an effort most of the time.

But in life there are rare moments when it just happens. Times where you’re living your passion, or finding a new one, or connecting with friends.

Thank God for those moments.

Thank God.

Losing weight is overrated.

Published: October 7, 2009 / Updated: October 8, 2009 Crystal exercise, medium

I kind of, usually spend all my time thinking about how freaking awesome life could be if I just lost weight.

But I lost weight.

I lost 30 pounds.

And I’m still insecure. I’m still stressed out. I’m still crappy at dating.

I still don’t feel pretty.

Journalism is still dying. I still can’t find clothes I like. My “check engine” light is still on. I still make mistakes at work and with friends and at church. I still have to spend a hour getting ready in the morning. My car insurance rate is still $180 a month. I still miss my grandma Lindell more than my soul can bear. Health insurance still isn’t fixed. It’s still going to snow soon. I still have weak ankles.

The only actual changes all suck – I’m always hungry, and I have to work out everyday.

The “congrats” don’t make me feel nearly as good as I thought they would.

The “you look really good” doesn’t have nearly the ring to it I thought it would.

The icky come on’s from guys I never was interested in the first place don’t make me any happier – although I’m not sure I ever thought they would.

Maybe I’m being too honest right now. Maybe I should tell you that I do know I should be trusting God, and living for him and whatnot. I should tell you that I do know I never should have thought losing weight would solve all my problems.

Don’t worry. I knew all that.

But I still think these things. I still feel this way.

So now you know.

I’m semi-sure some people wonder how the heck a girl who seems as un-stupid as myself could have these thoughts.

I’d guess it has something to do with Barbie, Heidi Klum and the Weight Watchers commercials.

But I’m just guessing.

It also could be that the whole world and their dog conspires to make losing weight seem like the coolest thing since Twitter, because if they didn’t nobody would ever do it because losing weight is harder the hardest thing ever.

Again though, I’m just guessing here.

Bears-Lions game: So that’s what 48 points feels like?

Published: October 4, 2009 / Updated: October 4, 2009 Crystal medium, Uncategorized

Hmm.

See. Well.

The things is, ummm.

OK. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not like, complaining.

But it’s a little less than satisfying when the Bears wrap things up with more than 30 seconds left.

I feel. umm.

What’s the word?

Jipped.

Where’s the “HOLYCRAP DO YOU THINK HE’LL MAKE THE FIELD GOAL?? HOLYCRAP. HOLYCRAP. HOLYCRAP.

…

HE MADE IT, HE MADE IT, HE MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

That’s my favorite part guys.

And it doesn’t help that 73 of our players were injured in the stupid game.

Come on. Adrian Peterson with a knee injury? Devin Hester with a shoulder injury? Johnny Knox with the leg injury? I thought Lovie had talked to God about this? Isn’t it his job to make those types of deals?

I suppose at least now I have the peace of mind knowing that we’re definitely, for sure, positively NOT the worst team in our division.

So there’s that.