cats heart crystal. crystal hates cats

people who love cats, LOVE cats. like human-to-human love, but instead it’s human-to-cat.

i am NOT one of those people. i hate them. im allergic. and i think they’re weird and unpredictable. and you know what cat people? someone HAS to say it — they make your house smell like a litter box. filled with pet food. you whole house. and glade candles DON’T cover it. YOU just can’t smell it because you LIVE there.

but whenever i go over to a cat-owner’s house, the cats gravitate toward me. and each time i really do hope that THESE cats won’t bring out my allergies. but THEN, five hours later my eyes are the color of roses and my nose is leaking like, well, a runny nose. and allergy medicine just makes me fall asleep immediately, so i say no when the cat owner offers me a benydryl.

and i proclaim to the world that “Despite my vegan-ism, i wouldn’t be opposed to eliminating the cats of the world by killing them!”

hopefully those of you on the fence about buying a cat will take this into consideration. that’s all.

UPDATE: People take me too seriously. i think that’s my problem.

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Comments (0)

  1. debkauz

    I think probably I’d take into consideration is that you wouldn’t be my friend for long.

  2. Marina Neira

    “Despite my vegan-ism, i wouldn’t be opposed to eliminating the cats of the world by killing them!”

    …Um, wow. What a horrible thing for a vegan person (or any person, for that matter) to say. Because you don’t like them, you wouldn’t be opposed to them all being killed?

    That’s cruel and selfish enough to give me shivers. Pitiful.


  3. Marina Neira

    “UPDATE: People take me too seriously. i think that’s my problem.”

    Was it a joke, then? Or were you only half-kidding? It just sounded like such a mean thing to say… :\


  4. Mandy

    Some people just aren’t cat people. I wouldn’t worry.

  5. Badgergirl

    You and my youngest nephew might get along. He just pushed their cat off the railing. Sending it on a 14 foot drop to the basement. The cat’s still alive though.

  6. dave

    what’s new pussycat?

  7. Bronson Peshlakai

    In the words of Crystal Lindell. “Me and you can’t be friends.” My cat Toppers is my best friend in the whole-wide world. However, the fact that my sister nearly romanticizes my cat to death — nothing short of french kissing my cat — I think it’s good to give cats love (and dogs too).

  8. Nikita

    For what it’s worth this Cat found your post amusing, despite an unfortunate choice of words at one point.

    And if we met I’d keep my distance, and just Purr extra loud to show I like you. ;-D


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