honey do

apparently bein vegan means im not supposed to eat honey. umm. WTF? honey? what is THAT crap about? oh, it comes from a non-plant? well that’s like telling me that it would be harmful to eat the hair your stupid cat sheds. it WOULDN’T! that cat doesn’t want the hair and according to that Modern Marvel episode i saw, bees don’t want their honey. im not milking bees and injuring them for their stupid honey.

and the thing is — i don’t even eat THAT much honey. but you know what people? i gave up eggs. and cheese. and milk. and butter. and milk chocolate. and — although some of you might not think this counts — I HAVE given up meat for the past SIX years! so NO! im NOT going to give up honey. and if i want some in my stupid organic tea, well im going to have it.

stupid worker bees. making me seem like a lazy vegan. that is SO like them.

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cats heart crystal. crystal hates cats

people who love cats, LOVE cats. like human-to-human love, but instead it’s human-to-cat.

i am NOT one of those people. i hate them. im allergic. and i think they’re weird and unpredictable. and you know what cat people? someone HAS to say it — they make your house smell like a litter box. filled with pet food. you whole house. and glade candles DON’T cover it. YOU just can’t smell it because you LIVE there.

but whenever i go over to a cat-owner’s house, the cats gravitate toward me. and each time i really do hope that THESE cats won’t bring out my allergies. but THEN, five hours later my eyes are the color of roses and my nose is leaking like, well, a runny nose. and allergy medicine just makes me fall asleep immediately, so i say no when the cat owner offers me a benydryl.

and i proclaim to the world that “Despite my vegan-ism, i wouldn’t be opposed to eliminating the cats of the world by killing them!”

hopefully those of you on the fence about buying a cat will take this into consideration. that’s all.


People take me too seriously. I think that’s my problem.


Wanted to post an update even though I’m fairly certain nobody will ever see this. It is now the year 2021. And I have 3 cats.

I got one cat that didn’t aggravate my allergies and it was all uphill from there.

I also have not one,  but two feeding stations set up outside for local strays. One of the feeding stations has a heated cat bed.

Looking back, I remember disliking cats. I don’t know why I said I wanted to kill them, and yes, that was a dumb thing to say. I think I was going for shock value. And I was thinking about how they had made me severely sick multiple times. But I shouldn’t have written that.

In other news, scanning the comments here, there’s one below from Bronson. He passed away last year from COVID.

I’ve thought about him and his cat Toppers so often since then then. Maybe, somehow, he passed on his love for cats to me. Or maybe I took it up in memory of him. I just wish he was here, so I could let him now how things turned out. So I could introduce him to all my beautiful cats. 

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