I was strolling though the Barnes and Noble yesterday at the mall where that girl got stabbed (true story) and I saw this book called, “Why men love b*tches.”
And I was all, “Crap, why DO men love b*tches?” So I picked it up and read it. The entire first two pages. And it had all this stuff in there about how men like a “mental challenge” and women who “know what they want” and I was all, “Frick. I’m too nice.”
Then, I kind of started freaking out in a needy sort of way.
That’s how I roll.
I’m needy, with a capital NEEDY.
Wait. Please don’t go. Stay. Please. PLEASE!
I usually just blame all my screwed-upness on my childhood, because my childhood was very weird. No. No. Weirder than whatever you’re thinking right now. In fact, take whatever you’re thinking, times it by 40 and add dead mice.
To be fair, the dead mice thing mostly was handled by little brother Steve while I was at college (Go Steve!). But still, there were dozens of dead mice. In my house!
So ya. That’s why I’m screwed up.
I have this problem where I constantly worry that whichever boy I’m with will find a hotter girl because there’s no way I’ll ever be THE hottest girl ever and boys only like girls for looks, right? I worry that I’ll call too much. Or that he’ll randomly leave. And now, I worry that I worry too much.
I don’t understand how to date.
I just want a boy to come along, and not suck and embrace all my neediness with a smile and not worry about the fact that when it comes to men I have the confidence of a cow at a slaughter house (that’s my vegetarian plug of the day). I don’t want to pretend I’m easy going when I’m clearly not. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t like to know plans in advance, when I clearly do. And I don’t want to make you think it’s OK if you’re atheist when it is clearly not.
I don’t want to work on me for you. I want to just be me with you.
And, I’m kind of awesome once you get past the fact that I like to call you six times a day and text 500 times an hour. I’m smart, I have a strong faith and some people call me pretty. Once in a while, I bet I’ll make you laugh, I’ll never judge you for eating Taco Bell, and I’ll talk football with you any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
Oh, and I have a super awesome blog.
And if a guy would just take three seconds to see past my shaking hands, and total lack of confidence, I bet we could totally rock together.
Maybe. Probably. Eventually. Right?
There is a guy out there who you can call 500 times per day and he won’t think you are weird. In fact, there is a guy out there who will call you 500 times per day, too. Or, in my case a guy who will obsessively call until you answer (just like I do). There is a guy. And you will find him…when you’re not looking. (I hate that rule, but it’s always ALWAYS true).
I think you have to be good enough for yourself before you can be good enough for someone else. But once you are good enough for yourself, you don’t put up with BS from other people as much, so then it becomes about who is good enough for you.
Insecurity just wreaks havoc on relationships, so every ounce of confidence & self-esteem you build up now will pay back in dividends WHEN (not if) you do find that awesome guy. And really, whether you are looking for friends or more-than-friends, we ultimately just want someone who you can be yourself around, and who loves you anyway.
Hello there, I Just found your funny blog. Funny stuff. It seems that we have some things in common — news writing and not eating animals and then topping them with their byproducts. Johnny Depp is cool, too. But I think we can all agree on that.
Hey there Monica!
Glad to have you. I’ll be sure to take a trip over to your site very soon. I’m sure that if we really do have all those things in common, than it’s fantabulous!
Crystal
“And I don’t want to make you think it’s OK if you’re atheist when it is clearly not.”
But… You said I was cool…
I can’t argue with liking a mental challenge. Though, i tend to prefer sudoku over b*tches.