im watching the sound of music while waiting for mad men to start.
i used to watch the sound of music when i was like 9 at my grandma lindell’s house. i’d sit in front of her wooden TV and lean against her coffee table. i knew the movie was long, because holy crap it was TWO vhs tapes. except, im pretty sure i didn’t say things like “holy crap” when i was 9. also, i didn’t say VHS, because dvd wasn’t a thing, so there was no need to specify. i probably said something more along the lines of “this is the longest movie ever. there are TWO tapes.”
i miss my grandma lindell very much.
she died in 2006.
and it sucked.
i always wonder what she would think of my life now. what she would think of my job, and where i live, and how i look, and the stories on my blog.
she was beautiful. with wonderful coffee-colored hair and gorgeous olive skin that looked radiant no matter how old she got.
she was articulate. two-hour phone calls with her were not uncommon because she loved talking with us.
and i like to think i get my “say whatever im thinking” attitude from her. she was just cool like that.
i wish i could go visit her. or call her up. or just send her a card.
she used to send me cards every year on my birthday. and she always wrote long poems inside them. but i was stupid and i didn’t keep them in a beautiful fire-proof box like i should have. instead, i let all of them becomes victims of carelessness.
even though she died almost three years ago, i didn’t go visit her gravestone until this summer.
i’d been in town before. i’d driven past the cemetery. but i couldn’t do it before this summer.
it was too weird.
i wasn’t ready.
you’re never ready though.
i wasn’t even ready this summer.
but i knew i had to see her. i had to see where she was spending her time these days.
i’ts not so bad. the grass seems to be well maintained. and she over looks the town that became a part of her soul. plus, im sure she’s happy to be just down the road from her church.
my grandma lindell was very strong catholic. the religion still brings a piece of her to me. i do the cross after communion at my methodist church mostly just because it reminds me of going to mass with her as a child.
i used to be so annoyed that she’d wake me up to go to 7:30 a.m. mass with her, but of course i’d give anything to wake up with the sun and tag-a-long now.
shortly before she died, she told me she was ready to go. that she was ready to be in heaven.
and her faith, expressed without doubt, helps me believe in God everyday.
i just miss her so much.
i found an old picture of her today while going through some boxes. a picture of her at her best with a great smile and the sun lighting up the exact right parts of her face.
i set it next to my bed. this way she can see what my life is like now. and i can tell her about my job. and she can see where i live, and how i look and she can even hear about my blog.
im pretty sure i don’t need to visit her gravestone to let her know about any of those things.
because we’re just cool like that.