if (candidate x) were president he’d probably fix all this

I finally did it. I finally freaking went to the Wisconsin DMV to get a license. I got all the stupid crap together that i could possibly need — my lease, a utility bill at least 30 days old but not more than 90 days old, my iowa license, my social security card, my work id and $40. 

I drove around in circles looking for the secret entrance across from festival foods. I parked a half block away in -3 degree weather. i took number 99 out of the little red number-giver and waited patiently even though when i got there they were on like 72 (ish). I pre-filled out the form not clearly labeled on the table in the waiting area with all my information.

I made small talk with some girl renewing her license about how the place just makes me nervous because i feel like im 16 and about to take the on-the-road test all over again.

They finally called my number and i went up to the counter with all my aforementioned crap.

and then.

they told me i would need my birth certificate.

WHAT?

“yes, ma’am you’ll need your birth certificate to prove your date of birth,” dmv clerk says.

“but i have my iowa licence with my birthday on it,” i said

“but you’ve never had a wisconsin id before. so it has to be your birth certificate,” dmv clerk says.

“but i don’t have my birth certificate. i just have my iowa id, my lease, my utility bill, my social security card, my work id and $40,” i say.

“well, you can also show us your passport for your date of birth,” she says.

“i don’t have that either. i only have my iowa id, my lease, my utility bill, my social security card, my work id and $40,” i say back.

“OH!, i know,” she says, and i think maybe she CAN help me. “you can show us your military id.”

“huh? i don’t have that either,” i say.

“well, sorry, i can’t give you a driver’s license today then,” she says WITHOUT a smile, like she doesn’t even care about customer service.

and that’s about when i started crying. and not because i NEED a wisconsin driver’s licence so my stupid credit union doesn’t freeze account (although i do), but because this all happened on Feb. 19 and i was planning to same-day register to vote with my wisconsin driver’s licence. and I HAD TO VOTE (for candidate x) because he had sent me a personalized e-mail the night before saying EVERY vote counts, especially mine.

and i got in the car and called my bff and she was all “why are you CRYING about this?” and i was “because i NEED to vote” and she was all “umm, ok.”

and then she helped me calm down as i drove around looking for my polling place hoping my lease, a utility bill at least 30 days old but not more than 90 days old, my iowa license, my social security card and my work id would be enough for me to same-day register.

I walked into the elementary school and told the woman that i wanted to same-day register. and she said i needed my wisconsin id. I said “I don’t have that, but I DO have my lease, a utility bill at least 30 days old but not more than 90 days old, my iowa license, my social security card and my work id.”

and she said that should be enough.

and it was. and i voted. for (candidate x). and i kind of cried some tears of joy. and then i bought something from the PTA bake sale at the elementary school and walked out to my car. and as soon as i pulled out of the parking lot (candidate x) sent me a txt telling me that MY vote matters. and i saved that txt so i can show it to my grandkids. or at least my mom.

and i have since looked into getting my birth certificate. and it turns out i can get one by sending $15, a self-addressed stamped envelope and copy of my iowa license to the vital records office in cook county. that’s right. to prove my birthday to wisconsin i need a birth certificate, which i can get with my iowa driver’s license.

i hate red tape. and for that matter that stupid red number-giver.

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i need sleep

i don’t know if you all know this, but for the first time in about 25 years, Oshkosh was on the map these past few weeks. (I mean literally, Oshkosh was on CNN’s map of Wisconsin). we had this little election thing going on here and it kind of got some attention from those main stream media folks. and me (who’s in the side stream media) got to cover some of it. you know, nothing major, just a few presidential candidates coming to town and stuff. whatev.

but that has basically meant i haven’t slept in like two weeks (ish) and now I’m tired as crap. I worked until about 1 a.m. last night waiting to find out how the people in ward 13 of Oshkosh voted then dutifully got a drink with the only other people in town who also care about how the voters in ward 13 voted. 

and then i went to work at like 10 this morning and no matter how much coffee and pop (that’s right im from Illinois and i said POP) i drank, i COULD NOT wake up. so i called it a semi-early day and went home and laid down and slept. and it was like i had taken tylenol pm even though i hadn’t because i was so exhausted.

and i woke to use the bathroom a few minutes ago and now im writing this post so all you people out there mad at me for not posting for the last day (all two of you) can know why. it’s because im damn tired. that’s why.

oh, and go (candidate x). go. go.

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she totally would call me her bff now.

yesterday, there i was sitting at home like a loser who hates showers watching Deadwood epidoes on DVD when an unknown number popped up on my cell. and i’m not going to lie, i didn’t answer it. but then, it came up again and i thought ‘well, if it’s that dentist in South Dakota calling me on a Sunday to remind me i still owe her $130 for a filling, i can always just hang up.’ but it wasn’t that dentist. it was Hillary Clinton’s campaign.

holy crap!

after the usual pleasantries (i.e. them: sorry i didn’t get back to you yesterday, we were really busy, me: that’s ok) the press person said ‘I’m going to have some time with the senator in about an hour if you’d like to do a one-on-one phone interview with her.

PEOPLE!!! DID YOU JUST READ WHAT I WROTE??!! A ONE-ON-ONE WITH HILLARY CLINTON!

don’t worry, I played it cool — i was all ‘ya, i think i can do that.’

then. i immediately started taking off my pj’s and putting on regular clothes. rushed around looking for my broken glasses, used some deodorant and even brushed my teeth so i could go to work. that took about three, maybe four seconds.

i grabbed all my stuff and ran through a quarter-mile of foot-high snow to get to my car. (did i mention the winter storm we had yesterday). alas, when i got to my car, i realized there was about a foot of snow that needed to be scraped off and UNDER THAT there was an inch of solid ice that needed to be scraped through. an inch. and my razor-sharp (i use the term loosely) scrapper just wasn’t in the mood for it. so i only scrapped off an 2-inch by 2-inch section on the passenger side. let’s just say, that was a stupid idea.

the whole ride to work (through the blizzard) i was basically just praying that tomorrow’s paper didn’t read ‘REPORTER DIES TRYING TO INTERVIEW CLINTON’ while i gripped the steering wheel with both hands. thankfully, i made it ok.

I got to work in time for the arranged interview and then — it was delayed. which was cool, because that gave me an additional 30 minutes to be nervous.

When i finally got her on the phone, i was all ‘why is wisconsin important’ and she was all ‘i heart wisconsin.’ (or something like that) and we talked for 15 minutes. THAT’S RIGHT, I TALKED ONE-ON-ONE WITH HILLARY CLINTON FOR 15 MINUTES and then,  i wrote this article.

and that’s the story of how hillary and i became bff. just in case you were wondering.

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