The only certainty is bad grammar

what does it say about me that I didn’t understand ashton kutcher’s twitter name until cnn told me what it meant this week?

for those of you living in facebook-land going around telling everyone why you never, ever want to join twitter, yes, ashton kutcher is on twitter. and yes, it is really him. (note to mom: he’s the one who plays kelso on That 70s Show). and this week he was in a race with one of cnn’s twitters to reach one million followers first. and he won.

and even though they lost, cnn covered the crap out of it. they even aired an awkward conversation between ashton and larry king, in which larry king asked ashton if he was the new king of twitter and ashton got all upset and annoyed that lary king was missing the whole point because there are no KINGS of twitter. everyone is equal there. and i kind of think larry king just likes the sound of his own name, and likes to use it in creative ways and had no idea that he would offend ashton with the comment.

so ya. ashton’s twitter name is aplusk, which I’ve been going around pronouncing literally. all “ap-lus-ka.” as in: “hey, roommate, do you follow ap-lus-ka?” or “oh, look ap-lus-ka just tweeted.”

but that was wrong.

it’s actually a plus k. as in his first initial “plus” his last initial. ha. he’s a clever one.

anyway, now that that’s settled, let’s talk about how i fell yesterday.

i got off work at about 10 p.m. and rushed out to my car to transform my work clothes into a passable bar outfit in the parking lot. and while in midst of taking off my black keds, and putting on my candies heels, an editor came out to alert me of a possible accident nearby. FRICKING FRICK! i yelled. why doesn’t God ever want me to have fun?!

then, i rushed to throw on two shoes and run back into the office, only i accidentally put on one black heel and one brown. and they were two different heights.

i was managing just fine though, until of them caught the back of my pant leg.

then, splat.

seriously. face first into the tile floor hallway that runs past the bathrooms.

and my purse, keys and blackberry went flying.

that hurt. it hurt like someone had just taken a slap of cement and slammed it against my knees. which, now that i think about it, is kind of what happened.

and my editor was so consumed with deadline and walking so far ahead of me that he barely noticed. so i took off my shoes, picked up my crap and walked limped barefoot over to my desk so i could get to work.

im pretty sure there’s a metaphor about journalism in there somewhere. but i’ll let you come up with that.

because now we need to talk about why nobody should be using internet explorer.

really? REALLY?! you’re still using that web browser? really?

you need to upgrade to firefox right this second. click here. and then click download. and within minutes your internet experience will suddenly be more awesomer. for free.

true story.

although i’ve never been fan of the browser, my discontent with it was magnified last week when it decided it hated my blog. and it took me a solid seven days to figure that it was a bad html code in one of my posts.

EVERY OTHER BROWSER was fine. FINE!

what the crap?

that’s insane. so it has become my new life goal to convince everyone that internet explorer needs to die. right now.

this was step one. feel free to stay tuned for steps 2 through 9. and if anyone knows where i can get a zebra, let me know.