vegan – Page 2 – The only certainty is bad grammar

see. this is why you shouldn’t have a stupid anonymous blog.

Published: July 28, 2009 / Updated: July 28, 2009 Crystal humor, medium, vegan

Dear SCVegan,

where the heck ARE you?

as my most loyal commenter it took me all of two posts to notice your absence. alas, i thought perhaps you had just decided i was no longer funny.

but now, it’s been a few weeks, and not only have you stopped responding to my musings, but you also haven’t blogged or tweeted yourself since June 29.

and im not going to lie. im worried about you.

seriously. im freaking out over here.

i even sent you a concerned e-mail in which i asked if you were perhaps trapped under a large bookshelf, but you have yet to reply.

the worst part of this whole mess is that i cannot even find you if i wanted to.

all i know is that you are vegan; you most likely live in santa clarita, california; one of your names is nolan; and you work for a t-shirt design company.

yes, i HAVE typed all those things into Google, but even the master of search cannot help me with this.

i recently resorted to asking quarrygirl about you on twitter. sadly though, she doesn’t know where you are either.

my roommate insists that you are probably just on vacation, but i explained to her that people surly can at least tweet while out of town.

this whole travesty could have been avoided if you had just posted your full name on your site or sent me your phone number or SOMETHING!

instead, im left to sit here on my couch, worried that the worst has happened, while hoping that maybe someone just stole your laptop and you haven’t had time to go the library to use the interweb.

in conclusion, i really hope someone stole your lap top.

sincerely, love,

crystal

im feeling pretty, umm, what’s the word? oh. ya. “blah.”

Published: June 11, 2009 / Updated: June 12, 2009 Crystal im cool, sh*tty things that happen to me

i miss south dakota. and the boy. im not going to pretend i just forgot about him because im 12 hours away. i didn’t. i miss him.

and i gained 4 pounds in the last two weeks. FOUR FREAKING POUNDS! wtf? all day, every day i think about how i want to lose 10 14 pounds. is that too much to ask? no. no it is not. except for the fact that my body HATES ME!

also, i wish i made more money so i could pay all my bills all the time. im not asking for a Ferrari, or even a new set of tires for my escort, just enough money to pay off my student loans in a reasonable manner.

oh, and i suck at being vegan. i want to be vegan so bad. but i suck at it.

also, i need to buy contacts, but im too cheap to get them, so instead i have to wear my stupid glasses everyday. even when i went to see a 3D movie, which i means i literally had two pairs of glasses on for 2 hours.

that’s right, i saw UP. and it wasn’t even good. all of you people out there saying it was good? you’re wrong. it was predictable, and the 3D stuff wasn’t cool because hardly anything jumped out at you, and the only cute part was the nice talking dog.

also, i’ve had a cold for like the last three months straight and sudfed doesn’t even work and my right ear probably has an infection or something because it’s REALLY bothering me, but im too lame to do anything about it.

and well, really, im just sad because i’m going to a wake tomorrow. and that’s never good.

some saturday morning ramblings.

Published: June 6, 2009 / Updated: June 6, 2009 Crystal anti-meat, humor, im cool

first things first, im told bushes apparently CAN catch on fire for no apparent reason. per my friend pete on gchat:

[mulch] ferments, it doesn’t decompose.
well, it decomposes. but it doesn’t dry out per se, it holds moisture very well, and if you were to use a pitch fork to overturn a large pile of mulch, it is not uncommon for steam to arise from it.
if you ever venture into a landscape supply yard and see a front end loader scooping mulch out, there will be a lot, a lot, of heat underneath.
enough to produce a fire, i don’t know. not likely, in my humble opinion. but that’s just me.
in the summer i would say it could happen.
it’s actually why landscape yards or tree service operations have to turn their mulch on a fairly regular basis.

it still sounds like a made-up thing. however, IF this true, i want to take this moment to make a public service announcement: WATCH YOUR MULCH AND BUSHES! THEY MIGHT RANDOMLY START ON FIRE.

there.

in other news, im all achy and feverish and im pretty sure its because i slept like 4 hours the entire time i was in south dakota and my immune system is shot to crap.

also, i ate cheese while i was there.

what?

huh?

ya.

i did.

It’s SOUTH DAKOTA people! have you ever BEEN there? they serve cheese with their gas.

plus i really wanted zesto’s ice cream, which is hands down the best ice cream in the whole freaking world. actually universe. actually in existence.

i want to be clear, i do not in any way think eating the cheese is what shot my immune system to crap.

also, i came back to the land of lincoln and was solid vegan on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

but then Friday came.

and i had some more cheese.

it’s saturday morning now. and im so-far vegan today, one meal in.

i wasn’t even going to write about this here, because im pretty sure vegans around the world will be all “CRYSTAL SUCKS AT LIFE!” but i figure there HAS to be other people out there who struggle at least ONCE in awhile with veganism. i mean they can’t ALL live near whole foods and humas-selling sandwich shops right?

anyway, i still want to be vegan, and im going to try again. i just wish i had even ONE vegan friend who i could go to for support.

oh! and also my friend lyndon, who i actually haven’t seen in person since my undergrad days at WIU, is in mexico doing some sort of research stuff i think. i’d rather he was here, in illinois, hanging out with me. but lucky for us the next best thing is available. he started a blog. and you can read it here. go on. go read it now.

good day. i said GOOD DAY.