so last weekend i was in a wedding and the bridesmaids got to wear these lovely halter top dresses.

except my boobs (is there a more tactful word i should be using here?) were not having it.

seriously people. they were POPPING out of the d*mn dress.

and the bride’s mom had to get all up in there to pin my bra to the sheer material. and when she was done, the nice southern woman said “don’t sneeze honey, or pins are going to come popping out.”

and i covered my chest with flowers in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE because I was this.close to coming undone and i didn’t want to risk it (see above).

and a number of guys at the wedding came up to me to tell me how great i looked. but no, they were not complimenting my eyes.

and some of the other bridesmaids said they were kinda jealous of my chest. but i know it was all lies. because who the heck would WISH for that kind of thing?

and while we’re on the subject, i swear to you people that my left boob (again, sounds weird) is bigger than my right. and i cannot find ANY bras that fit. and so the left side of all my bras always ends up breaking first.

this is a REAL problem people.

and many a good bra has been ruined by this.

im thinking of just switching to sports bras and calling it a day.