bears – Page 4 – The only certainty is bad grammar

Thoughts on the bears (now that my tears have dried).

November 23, 2009 Crystal bears, humor, short

Last night as I sat in my cold car praying for a miracle from God above while Bears Radio 780 slowly drained my car battery and a half-tear lingered on my eye lashes. With no TV where I’m at, I had to settle for play-by-play and the last two minutes of the game were hard to hear.

“Cutler throws the ball.”

“IN-TER-CEPTED.”

Frick. Frick. Frick. Frick. Frick. Frick.

I keep telling everyone that I’m going to jump on the Saint’s Bandwagon. I say that I’m giving up on the Bears until fall 2010 and then I talk about how I’d like to follow a team that actually wins for once.

But the truth is, I can’t abandon my team.

I love my team.

I love the blue and orange. I love Robbie Gould. I love the outdoor stadium. And I love that on a clear day in Chicagoland, you can feel the love for the Bears all around.

Most of all though, I love believing that no matter the score, no matter the time clock, the Bears have the heart to always, always, always pull it off.

Or at least they used to.

I actually do kinda feel sorry for Jay Cutler. I mean, how was he supposed to know Chicago has a Quarterback Curse? Or that he was going to be the only offensive player aside from Gould who doesn’t totally suck, and that Gould doesn’t have the bothersome task of working with a bunch of people who totally suck to accomplish his goal?

I want to give him a hug. And then I want to tell him that he’s part of Chicagoland (at least for now) so I’m not going to give up yet, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt if he got his night vision checked – just to be sure.

Lovie Smith, on the other hand, I’d like to be a little harder on. I’ll stand behind his calm sense of authority for now, but maybe, at the next press conference, he could just say ‘You know what, we’re sucking right now. I don’t want us to suck. You guys don’t want us to suck and so, we’re going to try our best to not suck next weekend,’ and then throw a table and some microphones over for good measure – so we can see he cares.

Next week against the Vikings is going to be painful. Nobody is denying that. But then we play the Rams, at home (!), during peak daylight hours (!!). They seem to suck worse than us (they’re 1-9), so maybe we can get our groove back then.

And eventually, one day, possibly, with a little prayer and Red Bull, we can figure out what an offensive line is and go from there.

Here’s hoping for an 8 and 8 season yet.

Or at least 7 and 9.

Oh. Well, umm 6 and 10? You have to at least give us 6 and 10.

Fine.

5 and 11.

RANDOM: Apture, jazzercise, da Bears

Published: November 10, 2009 / Updated: November 10, 2009 Crystal bears, exercise, humor, im cool, long, random thoughts, Wow

You may have noticed a new, supa cool thing on my Web site. It’s called Apture, and it’s the little icons next to all my links.

It makes it so you don’t have to actually click the link, but instead can just roll over the word and the information will appear. Like internet magic.

It also let’s me put related content in the same link, under the main picture. So when I write about, say, Johnny Depp, I can include a link to his bio, and then like five of his pictures underneath that you can click on. Fun times.

Also, Jazzercise is kicking my butt. And it’s making want carbs crazy style.

I usually stick to about 1,000 calories a day. Fine. 800. (Don’t judge me. Losing weight is hard).

But now, I’m hunting through my empty shelf in the fridge like I there’s a winning lottery ticket in there. I haven’t quite figured out how to deal with this, but I’m hoping I’ll get more used to the workout from heck in the next week or so.

Speaking of not eating. Shopping is crazy fun since I’ve lost weight. Crazy expensive, but still crazy fun. None of my old clothes even stay up with a belt, so I’ve had to buy some new classic pieces. I don’t want to buy too much because I’m still hoping to lose 25 more pounds, but it’s not like I can just wear baggy pants everyday with shirts down to my knees right?

So I got this crazy amazing black fitted blazer from the Banana Republic outlet store Sunday. The already discounted outlet price of $80 was slashed down to $40. I’m just lucky like that I guess.

How many days a week do you think I can wear it? I’m shooting for five. Fine. Seven.

Also, what is UP with the stupid bears? Seriously. I don’t even know what to say anymore. At first, after the Packers game, I was all, “It’s cool. We can get past this. Jay Cutler was just nervous.”

But then, my heart just started to hurt and I felt a little guilty for being so hard on Cutler.

Eventually though, I just got p*ssed. I mean seriously Lovie, get your crap together, right? Why is he even our freaking coach? And why does our offensive line suck so bad? They make tons of money, the least they can do is pretend to care.

After that, I was just sad. Lonely. I started to fully realize how bad the team is. This was right around the time I started hating the Bengals.

By the next week, I started to realize that I didn’t NEED to watch every second, of every game. Not only could I multi-task during the first half, I could just skip huge chunks of it to go shopping. I felt like I was gaining organization in my life.

Then, I realized that the best way to deal with this whole mess of team this year was to not take things too seriously. And finally, I accepted the fact that Bears will not be going to the playoffs this year.

It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Well, actually, Jazzercise makes if feel like there’s weights on my shoulders all day. But you get the point.

Dear Bears,

Published: October 28, 2009 / Updated: October 28, 2009 Crystal bears, humor, long, Uncategorized

Dear Chicago Bears,

Wow.

Wha? Ha?

Why do you hate me?

Ok. I understand, this isn’t about ME. But seriously, you’re ruining my precious Sundays.

All right. Fine. I’ll take partial blame for that 104-3 (ish) loss last week. You’re right, I wasn’t watching, and you guys rely on my good-vibes to win these games. I’m sorry about that.

It’s just that I thought checking the score every three seconds via ESPN on my crackberry would be enough. I realize now, that it wasn’t. Umm, dudes, every time I loaded the score the other team had a million new points, and you guys had 3.

In the past, I might have taken this whole thing up with Jay Cutler. After all, he’s supposed to be Jesus Christ in a jersey – it’s in his contract. And his initials.

But I’ve accepted that he’s not. Trust me. He’s proven that over. and over. and over. He’s no where NEAR Jesus. or Favre. Or Manning.

I get it.

But a loss this horrid is on all of you. ALL. OF. YOU.

Call me idealistic, but I tend to believe that any team can get the W next to a game as long as they try hard enough and work together. It’s the American way. Any girl can get any guy. Anybody can become president. And any team can win any game. (See: Super Bowl circ. 2008)

But you weren’t even TRYING Sunday. I watched the lowlights. I know. See, I’m not expecting you to win all the time. I’m just expecting that you’ll keep it within a 30-point spread.

And that means you HAVE to try. Every play. Every drive. Otherwise the other team wins – as you may have noticed.

Now, don’t think I’m giving up on you guys. Far from it. I still have faith in Lovie Smith (with a name like “Lovie” how could I not?) And I still think you have potential. After all, you beat the Steelers and the Steelers beat the almighty Vikings. Basic math tells you that means you could, in theory, one day beat the Vikings. (I kinda hope that one day is two days – Nov. 29 and Dec. 28).

Also, you have some home games coming up, and they’ll be plenty of good vibes to feed off of (which I know you like).

But just in case you were confused as to how this whole football thing works – people start hating you when you lose by anything more than say, 3 points. And I don’t want people to hate you. I want them to love you.

So I will make a commitment to watch every game, if you, in turn, will commit to two simple things: Trying really hard, and drinking Red Bull at the half. And the start. And at the 2-minute warning.

I think it’ll work.

And if not, there’s always next year.

(A little less) love,

Crystal

p.s. None of this applies to Robbie Gould. He’s still awesome. That is all.