humor – Page 18 – The only certainty is bad grammar

Hit me up real quick

June 15, 2010 Crystal feminism?, god, humor, im cool, journalism, medium, random thoughts

1. I’ve been doing some really cool things lately while newspapering. Including: Covering the Hawks parade, writing about Great America here and here, and making video magic!

2. Mosquitoes suck. Literally. All of my blood. Or at least all the blood in the back of my neck. I feel a little sad when I kill them, what with the whole vegetarian thing I’ve got going on, but then I don’t because HELLO! they were totally just sucking my freaking blood.

3. I’m going to Florida Saturday for a mission trip!!! Holy sunshine!! For those wondering, I raised $595 from my friends on a family!!! THAT IS INSANE!! GOD IS AWESOME!! If you sent me money I love you now. And I will send you a super awesome thank you card when we get back. True promise.

4. I wish I liked soccer, because there seems to be a lot of that on TV these days, and the players are pretty hot. I’m a sucker for an accent.

5. I cannot wait to move to Naperville! They have a mall, and a Whole Foods, and my best friend. It’s going to be supa fun times people! (Anyone with a pick-up truck want to hook a girl up with some moving help?? June 27-28).

7. Also, the move comes with the new job, which brings with it some much needed financial stability. I cannot wait to get regular oil changes people!

8. Speaking of being broke, I really should have bought new contacts like yesterday, but I didn’t want to use $30 for such things. Instead, I’ve been wearing this two-week pair since about March. (What’s that letter you say? Umm, isn’t that a B? Oh, an E you say? Hmm.) I’m planning to just leave them in my eyes through the mission trip because I don’t want to take them out and have the break. Sounds like a plan to me!

8. Jesse left. I miss him. I’ll live. I’ll move on. But I still miss him.

9. I hate my hair. I hate it with all my hair heart. It’s not brown, it’s not blonde. It’s blah. I try to dye it blonde, but my roots show up in like three seconds and make me look like white trash. I try to dye it brown and it fades in 2.3 showers. HELP ME HAIR FAIRY! HELP ME!

10. Go Hawks! (Jonathan Toews, call me!)

Live to love another day

Published: June 8, 2010 / Updated: June 8, 2010 Crystal feminism?, humor, im cool, medium

I keep listening to Jesse’s heartbeat.

It’s my favorite way to soak in the idea of being with him in person.

I like to lay on his chest when we watch movies and just commit the sound to memory. Sometimes, he’ll ask me about something that just happened, and I don’t have it in me to tell him that is heartbeat is just so much more interesting that the action movie he picked.

I love it so much.

I want to listen to everyday.

It’s a sound you can’t hear over the phone, or read in a Facebook message or feel in a picture.

It’s my favorite sound.

Probably because Jesse is my favorite boy.

He’s got these amazing brown eyes that could convince to jump off a cliff with him as long he was holding my hand. He thinks my blog is funny. He lets me pick the movie every time. He calls me baby and I don’t even mind it. He’s sweet, and thoughtful and just all around pretty freaking great.

And, he’s a Marine.

We’ve met while he’s on leave, and I’ve fallen for him harder than a girl should fall for a Marine only home on leave. But sometimes, we don’t get to pick those things. We don’t get to give the universe or God or whatever a list of specifics we’d like in our next love. We just meet them and see their eyes and hear their heartbeat and we fall.

Hard.

He’s leaving to go back to the Marines this weekend, and I’m not sure what the future holds for us.

~~I’m OK with that.~~ I’m trying to be OK with that.

Actually, mostly it just sucks.

A couple days ago I couldn’t pretend anymore that he wasn’t leaving, and I realized that I do care that he’ll be gone, and then, suddenly I was in a bank parking lot on a Sunday night crying and freaking out and wondering why the crap love is so hard.

For now though, at least, I’m comforting myself with the knowledge that no matter what happens, I will forever have in my memory box the sound of his heartbeat.

Attn: Swimsuit makers of the world

Published: May 29, 2010 / Updated: May 29, 2010 Crystal exercise, feminism?, humor, im cool, medium

Attn: Swimsuit makers of the world:

Why the crap are there no one-piece bathing suits in all the racks of all the stores on all the earth?

WHY?

I need a one-piece for my church mission trip. (Church people tend to have, you know, standards and whatnot, you understand).

This shouldn’t be hard.

This should be fun. I lost a crapton of weight, and I should LOVE bathing suit shopping this year.

But no. NO! Instead, I am left to scour the racks of the old-women areas trying to find something that doesn’t look like it’s actually a dress made to cover every area of my body ever.

I don’t want a dress.

I just want something cute in ONE PIECE!

CUTE!

ONE!

PIECE!

Ug.

My sister was feeling my desperation so much that she suggested I sew two pieces together. Is that what this has come to? IS IT?

I’m at my wits end here people.

(un)love,

Crystal