long – Page 16 – The only certainty is bad grammar

the hannah montana movie kinda inspired me

Published: April 12, 2009 / Updated: April 14, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, long

it’s not like i didn’t want to see it. i did. i mean have you SEEN the previews? it’s just that going with my nine year-old-sister does provide a nice alibi for when the cool kids ask why i was at the hannah montana movie.

the thing you have to understand is that i am still a nine-year-old girl inside. boys are a puzzle, i hate cleaning my room and with the right training mixed with a little luck i really believe ‘i might even be a rock star.’

so, seeing as how i haven’t mentally left fourth grade, well, i thought the movie ROCKED!

there was singing. there was laughing. and there was a brand, spanking, new dance that made me want to “countrify it” AND “hip hop it” despte the fact that the two typically contradict each other. alas, disney magic made them ONE. sigh. seriously. is there anything disney magic can’t do?

the thing that’s awesome about being a young girl – the thing that i miss most – is all the possibility that surrounds the age (also, the ability to say the word “like” in every sentence without judgement). I mean, if you’d have asked me what i was going to be “when i grew up” at my eighth-grade graduation, i would have earnestly answered “anything i want to be.”

and i would have meant it.

president? sure.

lawyer? why not?

famous soap opera actor? ya. if i feel like it.

and that’s the fantasy that hannah montana signs, seals and delivers: possibility.

but now. years later. the crushing weight of life has fallen on my head from the sky. and although there are possibilities, i feel like they’ve greatly dwindled.

and it sucks.

so sometimes i need someone like hannah montana to come along and remind me that dreams are worth dreaming, and that goals can be achieved. and just the same, i need my little sister sitting to my right looking up at me full of possibility. to remind me i can still be anything i want to be. i can still do anything i want to do, seeing as how its the same advice i shove down her young throat every chance i get, and what kind of sister would i be if i didn’t practice what i preach?

I need them to remind me that “there’s always going to be another mountain” and “I’m always going to want to make it move” and “The struggles I’m facing, The chances I’m taking, Sometimes they knock me down, but No I’m not breaking.”

funny, it took couple young girls and a little disney magic to come along and remind me about “possibility.”

thank god for that.

crap that makes vegans / vegetarians look crazy

Published: April 7, 2009 / Updated: April 14, 2009 Crystal anti-meat, long, vegan

I’m a blackberry addict. I check the d*mn thing in the middle of the night for crist’s sake. And of course, I also check it first thing in the morning before I even brush my teeth.

So there I am, reading my phone while on my way across the hall to the bathroom at about 8 a.m. today, and there it was. An article in Time magazine that took vegetarianism 7 steps backwards backward:

Study: Is Vegetarianism a Teen Eating Disorder?

“It seems that a significant number of kids experiment with vegetarian diets as a way to mask their eating disorders, since it’s a socially acceptable way to avoid eating many foods and one that parents tend not to oppose.”

AND

The authors suggest that parents and doctors should be extra vigilant when teens suddenly become vegetarians. They may say they’re trying to protect the animals, but they may actually be trying to camouflage some unhealthy eating behaviors.

Sigh.

First of all, the word “since” is used wrong in the top quote. The writer should have used the word “because.” “Since” should only be used to imply the passing of time and not as a cause word. i.e. Since 1987 only seven people have tried meth in Canada. There. Now you know.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

Vegetarians have enough trouble trying to convince their friends and family that they aren’t crazy. What the frick? Although this study may have merit, the article about the study frustrates the crap out of me. It’s enough to make me want to throw my tofurky sandwich across the room.

For one, why is it that using will power to maintain a healthy weight is only bad when it means giving up animal products? What is it with our precious attachment to eggs and steak, while we go around preaching the benefits of a sugar-free and sans trans fat diet?

I happen to believe that if Americans switched to veganism our obesity problems would significantly decline. If your teen is trying diet pills, throwing up or eating nothing, then you’re right, those ARE unhealthy ways to cut calories.

But if your child is 25 pounds overweight and is simply avoiding animals products as a way to cut calories, then that can actually be very healthy.

The article is written in such a way to imply that ALL teen vegetarians have eating disorders, rather than to say that teens with eating disorders might try vegetarianism as a way to mask it. I’m sure that people who have emotional eating problems will try all sorts of ways to mask their problem and vegetarianism may be one of them.

But to imply that ALL teen vegetarians have a problem would be the same as saying that everyone who needs to borrow $10 from you is broke because of a drug habit and wants your money to go buy meth.

Now I’m not going to pretend that my love of veganism isn’t connected to a desire to be a healthy weight. It is. (My recent tweets about fitting into a smaller jean size are clear evidence of that). But I’m not STARVING myself. I’m not eating JUST a stick of celery for dinner (as the picture with the TIME article would imply). I’m eating normal, healthy, filling meals. That’s NOT an eating disorder.

I’d argue that the same is true is for teen vegetarians. If they are eating JUST a stick of celery for dinner and attributing it to vegetarianism, they have a problem. But if they are eating normal, healthy, filling meals, that are simply without steak, then they are just living well.

It’s called common sense folks. Let’s start using it agian again, shall we?

Feel free to scan though for the more interesting questions

Published: April 4, 2009 / Updated: April 14, 2009 Crystal bears, humor, im cool, long

I’m stressed, and tired and mad about things I’d rather not write about here. So instead, I pulled this survey from some random online site and decided to fill it out for your weekend reading pleasure. Just take it and be happy you have original content to read on a Saturday night while you watch March Madness.

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?

Hmm. I didn’t realize that was a possible solution to the problems I’ve had with my Paula Abdul CD. But now that I know.

What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?

10 years.

Ever been in a car wreck?

“A” car wreck? No. Multiple car wrecks? Yes. But I’d like to point out that nobody has ever been seriously injured in any of the said wrecks.

Were you popular in high school?

Not so much. But there were like 500 kids in my senior class, so even though I wasn’t homecoming queen or anything, I wasn’t unpopular either.

Have you ever been on a blind date?

Does online dating count? Yes? Well then yes.

Are looks important?

I like for the guy to be a minimum of two inches taller than me, but beyond that, I’m usually good.

Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?

Yes. Her name is April C. Eichele. (pronounced i kill.)

By what age would you like to be married?

I’d rather be happy and single then miserable and married by a certain age.

Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?

Not one bit.

Have you ever made a mistake?

Where are the people who say no to this question? I want to meet them right this second.

Are you a good tipper?

Yes. I once waitressed and it sucked. If you think a 10 percent tip is good, you suck.

What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?

Counting a dye job and whatnot? $200 ish. Don’t judge. Boys spend WAY more than that on what I would call simply “stupid car things”

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

Yes.

Have you ever peed in public?

No.

What song do you want played at your funeral?

Ave Maria, Amazing Grace and something upbeat, like “I like big butts and I cannot lie” just to make sure things don’t get too sad.

Would you tell your parents if you were gay?

Yes. I’m not. But yes, I would. I don’t think they’d care.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?

Taco bell gordita supreme, and a side of Boston Market mac and cheese. (If I was about to die, I give up on the vegan thing.)

Beatles or Stones?

Beatles. Yellow submarine anyone?

If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?

I know who. He knows who. That’s all I need to say.

Beer, wine or hard liquor?

I enjoy a nice mixed drink, but I’m also a fan of the white wine.

Do you have any phobias?

I’d rather people not touch my ears.

What are your plans for the future?

I used to have plans, but then my industry got cancer and started dying, so now I’m just winging it.

Do you walk around the house naked?

I usually opt for at least some undergarments and a t-shirt.

If you were an animal what would you be?

A dog.

Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?

Brown.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?

Deaf. I like good design too much.

Do you have any special talents?

Some people would argue that I can write.

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?

Take off my shoes and throw my purse on the kitchen table.

Do you like horror or comedy?

Comedy. I watched that Freddy Kruger movie and an unhealthy age (like 5) and I’ve been screwed up ever since.

Are you missing anyone?

I move too much, so I’m usually missing at least one person at any given moment now.

Where do you want to live when you are old?

Hawaii. Or at least south of Kentucky.

Who is the person you can count on the most?

My mom. She’s my biggest fan and will answer my call no matter what time of day or night.

If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?

Johnny Depp.

What did you dream last night?

I met an attorney yesterday (Friday), then I dreamt I was on trial for something.

What is your favorite sport to watch?

Bears Football (and yes, i’m excited about jay cutler!!!)

Are you named after anyone?

Not that I know of.

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?

Amaretto Stone Sour

Non alcoholic drink?

Coke

Have you ever been in love?

Yes. I still wonder if he was my soul mate. You say crazy, I say, you don’t know what that time with him was like for me.

Do you sing in the shower?

Most days.

Have you ever been arrested?

Not yet.

What is your favorite Holiday?

Fourth of July.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?

After this? No thanks.