short – Page 18 – The only certainty is bad grammar

what do you think of ‘awesomestblogeva.com’?

October 29, 2008 Crystal humor, im cool, short

I redesigned my blog. did you even notice? gawd. it’s like you don’t even love me. (kidding. i know you noticed Aunt Sandy).

anywho, i’m pretty happy with it. (I heart pink. I heart flowers. and I heart italics. what’s not to love?) I actually splurged and paid $15 for the art you see on the top. seeing as how I’m a writer and all I like to be on the up and up when it comes to copyright laws.

the plan is to make my much younger (by like 3 years) co-worker sit down with me and navigate the wonderful world of domain names so I can get my very own url site. (I even have the meeting penciled in for Friday, Nov. 7). However, I’m having trouble coming up with a unique domain name so suggestions are more than welcome. the only stipulations I have are that I want it to be short and easy to spell.

loving the roomie

October 25, 2008 Crystal medium, sh*tty things that happen to me, short

yesterday there i was chillin like an awesome person at applebee’s with a reporter friend, when this guy i know shoots me an e-mail.

which i of course read on my crackberry. (see: addicted to phone).

but it’s not the best of e-mails. (let’s just say, one of the lines was: “I’m going to have to commit to just being friends with you right now.”)

frick!

seriously?

this is the kind of thing that can ruin a girl’s fettuccine. (which it did).

but I pulled myself together long enough to pretend like I hadn’t just gotten a totally awful e-mail, I finished my dinner and my night and found myself in my car.

and I cried.

and I didn’t think I would cry about an e-mail like this from this particular guy, but i guess it was the finality of the whole thing. and i was worried that I was going to cry myself to sleep that night. while i consider the fact that i will never have children. or a husband. or be happy. and that nobody will ever love me.

but when i got home, my awesome roommate was there.

and i told her about the e-mail. and she let me vent. and then she totally sat on the couch with me while we called said guy a schmuck, while thinking of reasons I’m too awesome for him anyway.

and i felt better.

so here’s to my new roommate!

go you.

fly me to the moon

October 21, 2008 Crystal humor, sh*tty things that happen to me, short

so there i am on my daily trip through the taco bell drive through. “la. de. da. hmm. should i get the seven-layer burrito again today? duh. of course i should.”

i shout my order to the woman behind the fuzzy intercom and i pull up to the first window to pay. I’m greeted with a 50-ish woman who looks a little disheveled.

her: “what the heck is that noise? is that your car making that noise?”

me: “well, yes. i think it might me.”

her: “it sounds like a spaceship! you better get that checked out. it might blow up or something.”

me: “ya. i guess. so.”

me in my head: “listen lady, you’re freaking working at taco bell and you’re trying to tell ME to spend my hard earned money on car repairs? seriously? leave me alone. it’s not THAT bad and besides, I totally just got my freaking muffler fixed. imagine what my car sounded like BEFORE!”

the end.

p.s. i’m suddenly a little worried that my car will blow up.