taco bell – The only certainty is bad grammar

yes. i am aware that this contradicts everything my blog url stands for.

Published: February 25, 2009 / Updated: February 25, 2009 Crystal humor, medium

ok. don’t freak out or anything. but, well, i kinda gave up taco bell for lent.

like, really, really gave it up. as in, i wrote it on the purple piece of paper included in my church bulletin and then folded it up and put it on the offering plate.

that means, if i don’t do it. JESUS will know.

JESUS!

so i really, really HAVE to do it. don’t get me wrong, i went back and forth about it in my head for a hot minute before I finalized anything. i was all “well, Jesus did DIE for me. the least i can do is give up tacos.” and then “hmm. but i LOVE taco bell. i eat it like three times a week. what the heck will i eat instead? cereal?” and then “but i guess I don’t love it more than JESUS.”

so i wrote it down.

and folded it up.

and took it up to the offering plate, got my ashes on my forehead and made it official.

all this is an effort to let you know that a. i’d really you rather not eat taco bell in my presence until Easter, because this is going to be super hard. and b. i might be a little cranky for the next 40 days.

so, so, so, so much to learn

November 8, 2008 Crystal humor, im cool, short

because i have visions of fame, google ad revenue and quitting my day job dancing in my head, i finally got my own url.

(drum roll please)

it.

is.

www.sevenlayerburritos.com (hat tip scvegan for the inspiration. and also to my lovely co-worker who helped me buy it) (I’m not sure if she wants her name in my blog, so we’ll just continue to call her ‘lovely co-worker’).i have even installed wordpress on it. go ahead. take a look.

ok. you’re back? well you may have notice that I haven’t done anything else. that’d be because I have NO IDEA what i need to do now. im feeling pretty good about myself for getting this far though, so there’s that.

in conclusion, setting up the new site is going to take some time, so be patient. but i promise to let you know asap when it’s up and running and I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

and for those of you who don’t know me very well, the name sevenlayerburritos.com is inspired by the fact that i literally eat at taco bell every day (no. im not misusing literally here. i really do). and i almost always order the seven layer burrito. and even when i was vegan, i ordered it without cheese and sour cream. (therefore making it a five-layer burrito). anyway, if you’ve never tried one, you should. because they rock.

fly me to the moon

October 21, 2008 Crystal humor, sh*tty things that happen to me, short

so there i am on my daily trip through the taco bell drive through. “la. de. da. hmm. should i get the seven-layer burrito again today? duh. of course i should.”

i shout my order to the woman behind the fuzzy intercom and i pull up to the first window to pay. I’m greeted with a 50-ish woman who looks a little disheveled.

her: “what the heck is that noise? is that your car making that noise?”

me: “well, yes. i think it might me.”

her: “it sounds like a spaceship! you better get that checked out. it might blow up or something.”

me: “ya. i guess. so.”

me in my head: “listen lady, you’re freaking working at taco bell and you’re trying to tell ME to spend my hard earned money on car repairs? seriously? leave me alone. it’s not THAT bad and besides, I totally just got my freaking muffler fixed. imagine what my car sounded like BEFORE!”

the end.

p.s. i’m suddenly a little worried that my car will blow up.