sh*tty things that happen to me – Page 19 – The only certainty is bad grammar

fly me to the moon

October 21, 2008 Crystal humor, sh*tty things that happen to me, short

so there i am on my daily trip through the taco bell drive through. “la. de. da. hmm. should i get the seven-layer burrito again today? duh. of course i should.”

i shout my order to the woman behind the fuzzy intercom and i pull up to the first window to pay. I’m greeted with a 50-ish woman who looks a little disheveled.

her: “what the heck is that noise? is that your car making that noise?”

me: “well, yes. i think it might me.”

her: “it sounds like a spaceship! you better get that checked out. it might blow up or something.”

me: “ya. i guess. so.”

me in my head: “listen lady, you’re freaking working at taco bell and you’re trying to tell ME to spend my hard earned money on car repairs? seriously? leave me alone. it’s not THAT bad and besides, I totally just got my freaking muffler fixed. imagine what my car sounded like BEFORE!”

the end.

p.s. i’m suddenly a little worried that my car will blow up.

fairytales led me astray

October 12, 2008 Crystal humor, sh*tty things that happen to me, short

so a few weeks ago I met this AMAZING guy.

and i thought i was THE luckiest girl ever (seeing as how he was so obviously my soul mate).

he liked me. i liked him.

what the heck more is there to love?

but :: sigh :: I was so naive.

because apparently living five states apart can put a damper on a relationship.

and emotional baggage tends to hinder things as well.

which sucks.

and it looks like we’re going to be just friends for awhile, because I just can’t stomach the circumstances surrounding our budding romance.

I don’t want to go into too much more detail on the interweb, but I did want to give the 5 of you who read my blog an update on the situation.

you know. in case you know THE perfect guy for me and are just DYING to hook me up with him but didn’t want to because you thought I was seeing someone.

(or something along those lines).

i haven’t given up on love yet.

i’m just starting to think it might not be my thing.

The Crystal Lake ER not as cool as the one on the show “ER”

October 6, 2008 Crystal humor, sh*tty things that happen to me

So as you may have read below I’ve been crazy stressed out lately. And it all came to a head Sunday night (early Monday morning).

There I was watching Desperate Housewives when I started feeling a pain in my stomach. And I thought ‘hmmm, maybe my bra is too tight’ so I took it off.

But that didn’t really help.

And then the pain kept getting worse. And i was thinking, ‘umm, is an invisible man pressing down on me with some knives?’ because that’s what it felt like.

And I dealt with this for about three hours until mid-night, when I finally called my mom crying because it just kept getting worse.

And she was like ‘HOLY CRAP?! I don’t know WHAT you should do.” and I really, really, really didn’t want to to go the doctor because i HATE doctors.

And then ANOTHER hour later, i was like, ‘well, I’m probably going to die today so I might as well drive myself to the hospital.’

And I got there and everyone was really nice. and they gave me an IV, and i didn’t even care about the needle because I was in SO MUCH pain. And then the doctor figured out was wrong with me — gastritis — and gave me miracle drugs.

seriously. MIR.A.CLE. drugs.

when I went into that emergency room I was actually going over my day because I was thinking it would be my last one on this amazing earth. yes. I was in THAT MUCH PAIN.

but then. in a matter of a half an hour, modern medicine saved me.

(one point for modern medicine).

Apparently something is messed up with lining of my stomach, which the doctor said could be caused by 1. excessive ibuprofen use (check), 2. excessive stress (check), 3. if ulcers run it the family it could be hereditary (check) and 4. excessive caffeine use (check).

Basically my life has been the perfect storm leading up to this awful pain.

so now I’m scared to eat anything but bread, because the doctor said I should avoid foods that hurt my stomach. as far as I can tell ANYTHING could hurt my stomach. (for the record, my dinner Sunday night was SOY CHEESE quesadillas. it wasn’t even REAL cheese people. Im not like a crazy unhealthy person here).

anyway, I’m planning to follow up with my non-yet-exsistant regular doctor, so I’ll let you guys know how things to turn out.