star trek, radio stations and crystal light

Published: May 21, 2009 / Updated: May 21, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, medium, random thoughts

so, sometimes, after i write ALL DAY for my real job where i make real some a little money, it is super hard to come here and slave over a computer for you people my awesome readers. but i make time because i love you. and even though i have exactly 27 minutes before i have to hop in the shower and go off to another long day at the office, im here. writing for you. right now.

so, yes, yes, i saw star trek. and it rocked. and i went with a super duper star trek geek fan (who’s also cute. i know. weird) so he was able to explain everything to me. which was good, seeing as how there’s a thing at the end with the guy and the other guy that i totally DID NOT understand until he spent about 15 minutes explaining it to me afterward. but i get it now. i swear.

i would definitely recommend this movie to everyone and their mother, and their dog. it’s pretty fun. i mean, it was no “sex and the city” but watching all those magical special effects and pretty space ships on a big screen was worth the $9 for sure.

speaking of the number 9, does anyone else in chicagoland get confused by radio station phone numbers? i mean, there are like 74 area codes in a three-block radius of my house, but the stations just give out seven-digits. all “591-9696,” or “591-US99.”

i want to win rascal flatts tickets too guys. do i need to dial 312 for chicago? or will my 630 cell phone area code work? i don’t understand. how do i get through? and why don’t they have a freaking 800 number, which would just clear all this up?

how am i supposed to win, if can’t figure out how to call them?!

sigh.

anywho, on to more exciting things. like the fact that Crystal Light is advertising on my blog. GUYS! MY NAME IS CRYSTAL! and their name is Crystal too!! how cool is that? im not gong to lie, i have bought crap tons of products because the word crystal was used on the package. crystal sprinkles, crystal clean toothpaste, crystal mint gum. it’s the least i can do seeing as how these companies named their stuff after ME!

what’s that? you don’t think it’s exciting? well how would you feel if there was [insert your name here] shower gel, or [insert your name here] nikes. you know you would run out and buy them right this second

and don’t even get me started on the fact that i work in the city of CRYSTAL lake. i know. fate right? the only thing cooler would be if my name were Jesus (hey-zeus). those guys rock.

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maybe a seat-purse would have been better?

Published: May 18, 2009 / Updated: May 18, 2009 Crystal humor, medium, sh*tty things that happen to me

holy engine, does the freaking seat belt in my freaking car annoy the freaking crap out of me.

apparently, the car makers of america think im short right along with the kitchen cabinet makers of america. so, aside from the fact that i cannot reach anything ever, the stupid seat belt in my darn car is basically slicing through my neck every time i drive anywhere.

im too short for it to sit at the right angle, so instead it just slides right from my chest to below my ear. and then i push it back. and then it slides again.

repeat.

732 times. ish.

look. right there. under my chin. see it? that’s the beginning stages of a bruise. im telling you. it is. well, that, or newspaper ink.

and sometimes, i give in and place the belt behind my seat. but then i worry that 1. a cop will pull me over and cite me for some sort of technicality in the Illinois’ seat belt law prohibiting me from doing that, resulting in a $562 fine

or 2. i will get in a tragic accident involving a deer, a semi and a motorcycle and then my body will be sliced in half along my lower abdomen because im only wearing half a seat belt and somehow that half of the seat belt is laying in such a way that it can cut through my skin and bones and organs.

so i put it back over my chest.

and then it rides up under my neck.

and then i cry.

while we’re on the topic of cars, let’s also talk about how the headlights on every SUV in america sit so that they hit my driver-side mirror and blind me every night, a problem i fear will one day hinder my ability to see important things.

like stop signs, bicyclists or oncoming traffic.

adjusting the mirror does not help. i’ve tried.

basically, what im telling you is, i drive around every night squinting my eyes while a seat belt slices into my neck. and maybe if you want to stay off the roads around 11, 11:30 p.m. that’d be cool.

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have a nice life

Published: May 15, 2009 / Updated: May 15, 2009 Crystal medium

my friend tom loewy has stopped talking to me. which, i suppose kind of means we’re not really friends any more.

it’s been like 2 months. fine. 5 months. what? fine. i haven’t talked to him much since october.

but he’s the kind of friend you just cling to with dear life because you want need him to be part of your existence.

and so, i’ve kept calling him. and texting him. and e-mailing him. and you can bet your bottom dollar that if he had facebook i’d be stalking him there too.

but he doesn’t. that’s not how he rolls. in fact, my understanding is, the whole idea of a cell phone is a pretty new concept for him.

and once in awhile, he’ll answer. or reply. or text back. and that ends up being enough hope to inspire me to call him like five times the next day.

like a crazy person. i mean. well, im pretty sure HE wouldn’t call me a crazy person, because he’s too cool for that. instead, i’d guess he just chalks it up to the fact that’s he’s so awesome. as far as he’s concerned, it only makes logical sense that i would stalk him.

my fried evila was not a crazy person.

she used to work with me at the wal-mart service desk, where we would spend our days getting yelled at by people who wanted their $5.10 back for that pair of shoes they bought a YEAR ago, that no longer fit their five-year-old son.

sigh. those were the days.

and just for fun we used to mix up the things we’d say to people at the end of transactions. like around Easter, I’d be all ‘have a happy holidays” with an s. just to see if anyone noticed. and then in Jan. 2000, she’d say “have a happy millennium.”

we were so cool.

then one day she got it in her head to say “have a nice life” to all the customers. and the thing was, she genuinely meant it. day was WAY too short, she thought. why not wish people a nice life. love, happiness, prosperity, pretty hair. those things take WAY more than a nice day.

only people didn’t get that. they were too jaded and thought she was being sarcastic. and i sh*t you not, she got in trouble over it because customers started complaining to management. which was such crap. and so, she gave up. and we both just went back to “have a nice day”

now im giving up on tom loewy. im not going to be a crazy person anymore. im not going to call him 30 times a day. im not going to call him even one time a day.

im going to let it be.

i just hope he’s out there somewhere having a nice life.

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