Things I’ve learned from stupid snow

Published: February 5, 2011 / Updated: February 5, 2011 Crystal humor

1. If the whole world tells you that a massive blizzard is coming and it’s going to kills us all, just leave work early and get home because you don’t want to be driving in that crap. Likewise, if the whole world tells you that whatever you’re doing is going to end with horrible consequences, stop.

2. Fill up your gas tank before you head out. Likewise, eat breakfast.

3. People will actually help you dig your car out when it’s buried under a six foot snow drift and they won’t even complain about it. Likewise, a lot of people are mostly good.

4. Working from home is awesome. Likewise, working from home is awesome.

5. Dust pans break when you try to use them as shovels. Likewise, all of us have our breaking points.

6. It’s easy to fall when it’s slippery outside, so I shouldn’t run into stores, movie theaters, restaurants or pretty much anywhere, ever. Also, I should be careful when I walk. Likewise, it’s important not to be too cocky.

7. Cabin fever is real. Likewise, shopping can solves all the world’s problems.

8.  Everything is pretty when it’s covered up by a coat of beautiful, white awesomeness. Likewise, where* wear clothes that don’t show your bum crack.

9. Cloth gloves may seem like they’re totally worthless, but if the alternative is no gloves then they are the best thing ever. Likewise, sometimes your second least favorite thing/person isn’t really that bad.

10. I still hate snow. Likewise, I still hate snow.

*Thanks Aunt Sandy 🙂

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My car is hot

January 28, 2011 Crystal short, Wow

My car has heat again! THREE CHEERS FOR HEAT!

CHEER HEAT! CHEER HEAT! CHEER HEAT!

Dudes, you do not even understand how much I hate being cold. If God could give me just one thing for the rest of my whole life and eternity it would be for me to never be cold again ever.

I’ve had to drive to work the last couple days with a coat on my body and another coat on my legs and a hat on my head and a very sad face.

It sucked.

Also, my car doesn’t stall at stoplights any more.

This is AMAZING!

My daily panic attacks have been cut by about 70-million.

The thing that really stressed me out was when the car would stall as I was creeping up to a light, and then I would have to turn it off and then turn it on and go again and in the meantime, someone would honk at me and I would be like, ‘Yes, sir, I am randomly stopped in the middle of the random busy road because my goal in life is to make you 12 more seconds late to your stupid job, but now that you have kindly honked your horn at me, I will go forth on my path and get out of your way. Thank you.”

Anyway, I bet you’re thinking, HEAT? AND IT DOESN’T STALL ANYMORE?? YOU MUST HAVE PAID A TRILLION DOLLARS FOR SUCH LUXURY!

But no, I got a warm car that now only turns off when I tell it to for the low, low prices of $146.

Life is good folks. Life is good.

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I still avoid car problems

January 23, 2011 Crystal humor, medium

My car keeps stalling at stoplights.

Like, at first, it would do it like once a week or whatever, and I would just start it back up, no big deal.

But then, it started happening like once a day. And I was like, ‘Hmm, this is kind of annoying, but whateves.’

Now though, it’s pretty much every time I go under 5 mph. Which, you know, is kind of every 45 seconds or so out here in the suburbs.

To be honest, though, even that didn’t really bother me until I had to drive one of my youth students to church, and then starting the car back up at every intersection got kind of embarrassing.

I know, I know. I should take it to a mechanic.

But dudes, I just did that and it cost me like a bazillion dollars, and I’m still paying it off $300 a month at a time, and I won’t finish until March, so I’m trying to hold off on getting anything else fixed until I get that paid off.

And we all know that I automatically assume that if I take my car to a mechanic he/she will find a way to charge me $4,000 to fix whatever the heck is wrong with it. So instead, I’m just going to pretend that this keeps happening because it’s cold outside, and that it — like many of my problems — will go away when summer comes back.

Either that, or by then I’ll have saved up enough for a new car.

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