Why the Bears must fire Lovie

Lovie has already decided that he’s going to lose his coaching job after this season.

He’s even accepted it, so he doesn’t care.

And because Smith doesn’t care, none of the players care.

The man doesn’t make decisions like his life depends on it. Doesn’t go for three more points at the end of the half, or any points on any possession. And he throws away timeouts as though they’re as disposable as a real evergreen tree on Dec. 26. Smith  just doesn’t believe he can win the game or his job.

Worst of all though, he doesn’t coach till the end.

More the third quarter.

That used to be one of my favorite things about the Bears – down to the very last second they always had a shot. Not this year. This year, Lovie’s gung ho (ish) for the first half and kinda alive in the third quarter, but after that he just chillaxes on the sidelines (probably planning out what to order on his Lou Malnati’s deep dish).

If the team isn’t up by two touchdowns in the last 3 minutes of the game I just put an L in the win/lose column because I know they won’t pull it off.

It’s the same as when a kid doesn’t bother studying for an English final because there’s no way to get a passing grade. Or a husband who’s dead set on divorce, so counseling becomes a waste. Or a woman who’s already visualized herself wearing the $850 shoes with every outfit in her closet so there’s no way she’ll be able to leave them on the shelf and pay her rent instead.

Lovie Smith has given up on himself.

Now it’s time for Chicago to give up on Lovie.

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My ankle is jacked

The Bears apparently still suck.

Crazy huh?

Stupid Packers.

It took the cheeseheads 1 minute and 43 seconds to score, which wouldn’t be so bad if say, they had started with the ball.

Lame.

Moving on.

My ankle is JACKED.

I was at Jazzercise Saturday morning, all ‘skip-ball-change HOP! skip-ball-change HOP! skip-ball-change HOP! skip-ball-change HOLY BANANA COVERED SNOW FROM PIRATES! WHAT THE GROUND HOG DAY JUST HAPPENED?????!!!!!’

I pretty much touched the arch of my foot to my ankle bone and then landed on it.

Just writing that hurts.

It kinda looks like someone painted it purple, blue and puffy.

And before you go all “DID YOU SEE A DOCTOR” on me, A. I am still (STILL) paying off my surgery from a year ago. and B. I didn’t hear the infamous “crack” sound you hear so much about when bones break, so I’m banking on it just being sprained, in which case, I can implement RICE (rest, ice, compress, elevate) by my own self, thank you very much.

I will say that going to the bathroom has turned into a medal-worthy project involving mostly unused arm muscles and trusting a wall-mounted toilet paper holder to bear more weight than the manufacturer recommends.

Luckily, my family is so freaking awesome that as soon as I called my mom with tears in my eyes, she gathered up my sister, my niece, my grandma, a pair of crutches and some taco bell and they all came over.

Thank God.

Seriously.

Without them I’d be avoiding water so as cancel out unnecessary ladies’ room trips, living on peanut butter from the jar (I don’t really grocery shop), and using lukewarm water to ice my ankle because getting fresh ice would suck too much.  Plus, I’m pretty sure my roommate doesn’t want to help me into shower – making me (much appreciated) eggs with cheese and soy chik’n strips was more her limit.

Now excuse while I take 3 advil, watch the Bears lose, and contemplate how exactly I will drive with my left foot tomorrow.

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Bears-Lions game: So that’s what 48 points feels like?

Hmm.

See. Well.

The things is, ummm.

OK. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not like, complaining.

But it’s a little less than satisfying when the Bears wrap things up with more than 30 seconds left.

I feel. umm.

What’s the word?

Jipped.

Where’s the “HOLYCRAP DO YOU THINK HE’LL MAKE THE FIELD GOAL?? HOLYCRAP. HOLYCRAP. HOLYCRAP.

HE MADE IT, HE MADE IT, HE MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

That’s my favorite part guys.

And it doesn’t help that 73 of our players were injured in the stupid game.

Come on. Adrian Peterson with a knee injury? Devin Hester with a shoulder injury? Johnny Knox with the leg injury? I thought Lovie had talked to God about this? Isn’t it his job to make those types of deals?

I suppose at least now I have the peace of mind knowing that we’re definitely, for sure, positively NOT the worst team in our division.

So there’s that.

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