Can you BELIEVE the BEARS are playing the PACKERS in the PLAYOFFS????

As my brother Steve so elegantly said, “This is going to be epic.”

Dudes, whomever wins this game will have the bragging rights to last through the next 50 or 60 decades.

Whenever anyone is all, ‘Ha, my team beat yours,’ The winner of this game will forever be able to counter with, ‘Ya, but we won that playoff game back in 2011 and you didn’t. The end.”

I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty scared.

I mean, you know, it’s not like I don’t totally believe the Bears can win. (Come on, this game is in OUR HOUSE. And the Bears have been passing and then catching the ball on a pretty regular basis AND we have Robbie Gould). But, you know, there’s just so much on the line.

Plus, all the commentators are spending all their stupid free time being all, ‘Aaron Rodgers is awesome. Aaron Rodgers is the greatest quarterback ever. Aaron Rodgers will you go on a date with me?’

Blah and throw up.

For the record, he is not a god. And green and yellow make an ugly color combination. So there.

In conclusion, I really, really, really hope with all my heart that we (and by “we” I mean, “The Bears”) win this epic, colossal, monster, monumental, very, very, very, very important game!


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Does this mean my new Bears coat is bad luck?

I have come to the conclusion that the Giants are meanies.

Man, that was hard to watch.

Seriously, what happens when a third-string quarter back gets hurt? Does Gould go in? Because if Gould goes in, I’d think he’d be pretty reliable in the position. I’m just sayin.

My heart goes out to Jay Cutler though. The guy doesn’t suck. He doesn’t. His offensive line just secretly hates his guts so they move out of the way anytime someone from the opposing team even looks in their direction. Or maybe they’re just scared of the other guys. Or maybe they’re just figments of our imagination, and Lovie doesn’t even actually have anyone playing those positions.

Whatever the case, I feel bad for Cutler. I didn’t see the first half of last night’s Bears’ game because I was doing church stuff, but I did listen to the second quarter on Bears Radio 780, so I heard seven of the AND CUTLER GETS SACKED AGAIN!!!s.

Makes me cringe just thinking about it.

And then, because it’s apparently a record or some crap, I got to watch the replays of all 9 sacks on Cutler over, and over, and over as commentators talked smack about my beloved Bears.

Rough night man.

On a better note, let me get a HOLLA!!! for our defense. Those guys rock. They’re all, “Oh, you think you’re going to get a touch down because you’re one yard from the goal? Ha! No. Let me just pop that ball right out of your arm.”

Good times.

But then, of course our stupid offense couldn’t even get out of the end zone so the defense had to come right back on the field. And I know they had to be tired. I would be if I played like 55 minutes of a 60 minute game because my offense thought first downs were bad luck.

Don’t misunderstand, I’m still going to go around being happy that the Bears are 3-1. That’s still good. What? It is? And maybe Sunday’s game will force the Bears to look-up “running game” this week on Wikipedia or something, and they’ll come back with some better plays.

I still have hope for this team and I still believe with all my heart that they will make the play-offs this year.

Now excuse me while I say a prayer for Cutler’s quick recovery and a new offensive line.

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Did anyone really think the Colts– with their ‘We win all the time. It’s no big deal.’ attitude — would beat the Saints — with their ‘We want to literally help rebuild the city we love by winning this game.” attitude?

What’s that? Oh. Pretty much everyone thought Indianapolis was going to win?

I don’t understand why they forgot to factor in heart.

Heart is what makes you do an on-side kick for no reason at all. And it makes you go for it on fourth down, get knocked down and then, minutes later, get back up and get a field goal anyway. It’s what makes you leap when you can’t see where you’re going to land.

Heart can beat anything. Even Payton Manning.

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