football – Page 2 – The only certainty is bad grammar

And the Saints go marching on

Published: January 25, 2010 / Updated: January 25, 2010 Crystal bears, feminism?, humor, im cool

Yesterday, my friend Kris was all “Every time you come over and watch football with my mom, you’re all OHMYGOD! YAAAAAAY!!! RUN! RUN! HE’S RUNNING! WOOOHHHHOOO!”

And I was all, “What? Meee? Are you talking about me?? Because I do no such thing.”

And he was all “Uh huh. Sure. Well if you do end up doing that today, do you think you can keep it down so I can get my homework done? Plus, you know the players can’t actually hear you, right?”

And I was all “Of course. No yelling from me sir.”

Then.

Brett Favre threw long with 19 seconds remaining and I was all but prepared to figure out who I hated less, the Colts or the Vikings, as I watched the football sail across the field and Saints’ Tracy Porter…

***

CAUGHT.

THE.

BALL!!!!!

HE CAUGHT THE BALL!! INTERCEPTION! OH MY GOD!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! WOOOOOOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!! HE CAUGHT THE BALL. THE SAINTS ARE STILL IN THIS!! HOLY CRAP! WOOHOOO!

I may have yelled a little.

Best game eva though.

Sorry Kris.

My ankle is jacked

December 13, 2009 Crystal bears, exercise, humor, medium, sh*tty things that happen to me, Wow

The Bears apparently still suck.

Crazy huh?

Stupid Packers.

It took the cheeseheads 1 minute and 43 seconds to score, which wouldn’t be so bad if say, they had started with the ball.

Lame.

Moving on.

My ankle is JACKED.

I was at Jazzercise Saturday morning, all ‘skip-ball-change HOP! skip-ball-change HOP! skip-ball-change HOP! skip-ball-change HOLY BANANA COVERED SNOW FROM PIRATES! WHAT THE GROUND HOG DAY JUST HAPPENED?????!!!!!’

I pretty much touched the arch of my foot to my ankle bone and then landed on it.

Just writing that hurts.

It kinda looks like someone painted it purple, blue and puffy.

And before you go all “DID YOU SEE A DOCTOR” on me, A. I am still (STILL) paying off my surgery from a year ago. and B. I didn’t hear the infamous “crack” sound you hear so much about when bones break, so I’m banking on it just being sprained, in which case, I can implement RICE (rest, ice, compress, elevate) by my own self, thank you very much.

I will say that going to the bathroom has turned into a medal-worthy project involving mostly unused arm muscles and trusting a wall-mounted toilet paper holder to bear more weight than the manufacturer recommends.

Luckily, my family is so freaking awesome that as soon as I called my mom with tears in my eyes, she gathered up my sister, my niece, my grandma, a pair of crutches and some taco bell and they all came over.

Thank God.

Seriously.

Without them I’d be avoiding water so as cancel out unnecessary ladies’ room trips, living on peanut butter from the jar (I don’t really grocery shop), and using lukewarm water to ice my ankle because getting fresh ice would suck too much. Plus, I’m pretty sure my roommate doesn’t want to help me into shower – making me (much appreciated) eggs with cheese and soy chik’n strips was more her limit.

Now excuse while I take 3 advil, watch the Bears lose, and contemplate how exactly I will drive with my left foot tomorrow.

Hi! I’m up. Are you? Oh, and Monday night football is going to be CRAZY!

October 1, 2009 Crystal bears, humor, medium

It’s 6 a.m. and I’m awake on my day off for no reason.

There’s obviously some issues there I need to work out.

Apparently the people who run TV world don’t give a crap about people like me though, because aside from annoying morning shows, the only choices I seem to have are infomercials, Baptist preachers and a 1959 release of Hercules on AMC.

I’m currently contemplating the Bose sound system. Do you understand how amazing their sound quality is? I do.

Moving on, let’s talking about football, shall we?

So, the Vikings are hosting the Packers Monday night.

Aw.kward.

I wonder what Brett Favre is doing right now? Oh. That’s right. He’s rolling around in piles of money not giving a crap that everyone in Green Bay hates him. Duh.

Did you see this crazy play he made last week? That’s the kind of thing that makes me think he has some sort of deal with the devil involving his arm, the Super Bowl and cheese.