May 2008 – Page 10 – The only certainty is bad grammar

bad vegan math

May 11, 2008 Crystal anti-meat, short

OK, i seriously DO love. it. when people who make vegan food clearly state on the product “vegan.”

but im starting to think that the people who make these food products don’t really understand what vegan is, because a bunch of them are labled “100-percent vegan.”

true story. (note photographic proof above).

i know! right?

because the thing is, food either is vegan or it’s not. so if something is say, oh, FIVE-percent vegan, it would automatically be non-vegan.

saying something is “100-percent vegan,” is like saying someone is “100-percent pregnant.” or that your grandma is “100-percent alive.”

in conclusion, if any of you guys out there were thinking of starting a vegan-food business — complete with packaging — please. please. please. take this post into consideration when considering your marketing techniques. also, totally call me because im looking for a new job* and i’d so be interested in working for a vegan-food business.

*note to current employer, im about 50-percent kidding on the whole “looking for a new job” thing.

i still heart johnny depp (like you didn’t already know that)

May 10, 2008 Crystal Johnny Depp, long

Well, in case you guys were getting worried that I was getting over my crush on johnny depp — im here to set the record straight. I still love him.

You might be thinking to yourself ‘self, she can’t actually be in LOVE with him. she hardly knows him!’

but I’m here to tell you that I have seen six of his movies over the past three weeks and I’m pretty certian that he and I are soul mates.

Well, no, he doesn’t know yet.

But.

soul mates have a way of finding each other. (duh)

and i have faith in that whole process, so I’ll probably get to marry him one day. (you can come to wedding, but I’m warning you now, it’s going to be all vegan food).

In case you TOO were thinking of watching a bunch of Johnny Depp movies (because he’s AWESOME) I thought I’d offer some of my thoughts on the ones I’ve recently seen (note: all thoughts basically are just about Johnny Depp and have little to do with the movies themselves.) I’m not going to link to all the titles, because that’s just annoying. If you want more information on any of the movies just search the freaking title here.

ED WOOD: Funny. and Johnny Depp is in 99.8 percent of the scenes so that’s way cool. He doesn’t look particularly hot in this one and he talks in an old-timey hollywood accent, and he wears women’s clothing in a few scenes, but i DO love him — so i watched the whole thing. Also, the movie actually is super funny, if you’re in that sort of thing.