Monthly Archive: January 2011

My car is hot

My car has heat again! THREE CHEERS FOR HEAT!

CHEER HEAT! CHEER HEAT! CHEER HEAT!

Dudes, you do not even understand how much I hate being cold. If God could give me just one thing for the rest of my whole life and eternity it would be for me to never be cold again ever.

I’ve had to drive to work the last couple days with a coat on my body and another coat on my legs and a hat on my head and a very sad face.

It sucked.

Also, my car doesn’t stall at stoplights any more.

This is AMAZING!

My daily panic attacks have been cut by about 70-million.

The thing that really stressed me out was when the car would stall as I was creeping up to a light, and then I would have to turn it off and then turn it on and go again and in the meantime, someone would honk at me and I would be like, ‘Yes, sir, I am randomly stopped in the middle of the random busy road because my goal in life is to make you 12 more seconds late to your stupid job, but now that you have kindly honked your horn at me, I will go forth on my path and get out of your way. Thank you.”

Anyway, I bet you’re thinking, HEAT? AND IT DOESN’T STALL ANYMORE?? YOU MUST HAVE PAID A TRILLION DOLLARS FOR SUCH LUXURY!

But no, I got a warm car that now only turns off when I tell it to for the low, low prices of $146.

Life is good folks. Life is good.

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I still avoid car problems

My car keeps stalling at stoplights.

Like, at first, it would do it like once a week or whatever, and I would just start it back up, no big deal.

But then, it started happening like once a day. And I was like, ‘Hmm, this is kind of annoying, but whateves.’

Now though, it’s pretty much every time I go under 5 mph. Which, you know, is kind of every 45 seconds or so out here in the suburbs.

To be honest, though, even that didn’t really bother me until I had to drive one of my youth students to church, and then starting the car back up at every intersection got kind of embarrassing.

I know, I know. I should take it to a mechanic.

But dudes, I just did that and it cost me like a bazillion dollars, and I’m still paying it off $300 a month at a time, and I won’t finish until March, so I’m trying to hold off on getting anything else fixed until I get that paid off.

And we all know that I automatically assume that if I take my car to a mechanic he/she will find a way to charge me $4,000 to fix whatever the heck is wrong with it. So instead, I’m just going to pretend that this keeps happening because it’s cold outside, and that it — like many of my problems — will go away when summer comes back.

Either that, or by then I’ll have saved up enough for a new car.

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HOLY FOOTBALL!

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! I CANNOT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL EVER EXCEPT FOR SUNDAY AT 3 P.M. RIGHT NOW!!

Can you BELIEVE the BEARS are playing the PACKERS in the PLAYOFFS????

As my brother Steve so elegantly said, “This is going to be epic.”

Dudes, whomever wins this game will have the bragging rights to last through the next 50 or 60 decades.

Whenever anyone is all, ‘Ha, my team beat yours,’ The winner of this game will forever be able to counter with, ‘Ya, but we won that playoff game back in 2011 and you didn’t. The end.”

I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty scared.

I mean, you know, it’s not like I don’t totally believe the Bears can win. (Come on, this game is in OUR HOUSE. And the Bears have been passing and then catching the ball on a pretty regular basis AND we have Robbie Gould). But, you know, there’s just so much on the line.

Plus, all the commentators are spending all their stupid free time being all, ‘Aaron Rodgers is awesome. Aaron Rodgers is the greatest quarterback ever. Aaron Rodgers will you go on a date with me?’

Blah and throw up.

For the record, he is not a god. And green and yellow make an ugly color combination. So there.

In conclusion, I really, really, really hope with all my heart that we (and by “we” I mean, “The Bears”) win this epic, colossal, monster, monumental, very, very, very, very important game!

GO BEARS!!!

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