Johnny Depp

holy omg! they put him on a bag!! / the story of my johnny depp bag

the other week i was walking through the halls of a high school and i saw this thing out of the corner of my eye.

and suddenly the world started moving in slow motion.

could it be?

was it him?

no. it couldn’t be.

but yes. yes it was.

it was a PICTURE OF JOHNNY DEPP ON A HANDBAG!

holy.fricking.crap.ola.

holy.

fricking.

crap.

ola.

i started mugging the woman wearing the bag. i stopped to politely tell the girl wearing the bag that i thought it looked nice and then i asked her where she got it.

she got it a wal-mart.

about 38 seconds (ish) later i went to wal-mart.

alas, they were sold out.

but then, this weekend i made my way to a wal-mart in the middle of nowhere land. actually, if you go to nowhere land, and then go west for 45 minutes, that’s where i was.

some people call it geneseo.

and i strolled over into the purse section just to see, and there it was.

you’re asking me if i bought it? really? you have to ask that?

because OF COURSE I FREAKING BOUGHT IT!

and here’s a picture for you. (don’t be jealous):

IMG00040

isn’t that the greatest thing you ever saw in your whole freaking life?

now i just have to decide if i should wear it to work or if that would make me seem, umm crazy. my thought is that the other side is plain black, so when i walk past my bosses’ desk, i’ll just face that out toward them.

just a thought.

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OMG! Public Enemies was so COOL!!

NOTE: Don’t worry. There are no spoilers in this post:

i did in fact go to the mid-night (12:01) showing last night and i had six of my family members in tow (mom, sister, my sister’s neice, two cousins and a brother).

and, ok. the movie was a little confusing, and i wouldn’t have been opposed to say, johnny depp maybe wearing a bright red shirt for the whole movie and christian bale wearing say, a bright blue shirt, so i could make sure they were in in fact not the other guys who just go shot who looked JUST like depp or bale and were wearing the same exact outfit and hat.

but, you know, other than that, i have no complaints.

for crist’s sake JOHNNY DEPP WAS IN EVERY SCENE!

ok. not every scene. but seriously 9 out of 10 scenes had his wonderful, wonderful face in it.

granted, this blog post probably has more words in it than all the dialogue in that movie.

but HOLY COW THE ACTION!

there with was SO. MUCH. ACTION!

BANG!

BOOM!

GUN SHOT!

MORE GUN SHOTS!

PRISON BREAK!

BANK ROBBERY!

MORE GUN SHOTS!

sigh.

it was so cool.

also, seeing all the oshkosh scenes was super cool. and don’t worry, i made sure to poke my mom every freaking time there was an oshkosh scene and whisper “THAT’S OSHKOSH.”

and if i go with you, i can totally do the same.

and YES, i will go with you.

i will go see this movie three million times. ish.

and then i will buy the dvd.

and then i will buy the dvd with bonus features.

because it was SO.COOL!

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wordpress, people hating me, snowflakes and late-night music

1. (note to non-wordpress users: this will mean nothing to you so feel free to skip down to number 2). WordPress keeps yelling at me to switch to WordPress 2.7.1, except im pretty sure if i try to do that, my whole blog will burst into flames. so instead, i have thus far decided to resist change in this one itsy bitsy aspect of my life.  however, if anyone out there is fluent in WordPress, feel free to be in touch and then come over to my house and then hold my hand and feed me ice chips while you walk me through the transition one step at a time with the patience usually reserved for children.

2. Some dork from springfield keeps leaving comments on my blog telling me that he hates me. first of all, although you think your “FYI” user name is anonymous, i can in fact trace the IP address. second of all, if you hate me, why are you reading my blog? third of all, i get paid per click on this thing no matter who does the clicking. i make exactly the same amount of money off the people who love me and secretly wish i would make out with them, as i do off the people who hate me and secretly wish i would die.

3. I heard a really cool story at church this morning. im reprinting it here because it kind of the sums up the way i look at life and my own choices to do the right thing. although my pastor shared it with us, he didn’t make it up so for accuracy purposes, im giving it to you here via this web site:

“Tell me the weight of a snowflake”, a sparrow asked a wild dove. “Nothing more than nothing”, was the answer. “In that case I must tell you a marvellous story”, the sparrow said. “I sat on the branch of a fir, close to its trunk, when it began to snow – not heavily, not in a raging blizzard: no, just like in a dream, without a sound and without any violence. Since I did not have anything better to do, I counted the snowflakes settling on the twigs and needles of my branch. Their number was exactly 3,741,952. When the 3,741,953rd dropped onto the branch – nothing more than nothing, as you say – the branch broke off.” Having said that, the sparrow flew away. The dove, since Noah’s time an authority on the matter, thought about the story for a while, and finally said to herself: “Perhaps there is only one person’s voice lacking for peace to come to the world.”

— From New Fables, Thus Spoke the Maribou, by Kurt Kaufer

4. Last night, my neighbors were playing music. outside my window. at mid-night. MID-NIGHT. and i thought, “surely there is a parent on my block who will share my outrage and go outside and ask these idiots to turn off their freaking radio in the middle of the freaking night.” but alas. that did not happen. so then i thought, “surely one of the 74 cops who live in my neighborhood – because the county courthouse is a block away – will wake up and go outside and tell these idiots TO TURN DOWN THE MUSIC!.” but alas that did not happen either. and after they played “blame it on the al.al.al.al.al.alcohol” AGAIN, i got up and went outside and told them to turn it down. and they said “fine” as though I was one being unreasonable.

The saddest part of this story is that i needed sleep because i had to wake up early for church, but i didn’t want to sound like a loser, so instead i told them i had to work Sunday. which i do, but not until 2 p.m. do think God’s mad that i didn’t go with church?

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