I joined Lifetime. And by that, I do NOT mean “The TV network that runs Will and Grace episodes and awesomely corny movies 24 hours a day” but rather, “The really expensive 24-hour gym by my house.”
Dudes, I’m more addicted to this place than my car is to gas.
The first rule of Lifetime is that when you go there, and you have to text someone that you’re there, you always say you’re at “Lifetime” instead of “the gym” because “Lifetime” makes it very clear that you are either a. cooler than them if they don’t go there, or b. as cool as they are if they go there.
The second rule of Lifetime is that even though it is 24 hours, all the aforementioned cool people go there at the exact same time. 5:15 p.m. It usually takes me about 12 minutes of driving around to find an empty spot. Not a close spot. Just an empty one. It’s totally worth it though.
The third rule of Lifetime is that it’s awesome.
Wait, that’s not a rule.
Whatever. It’s awesome.
They have a hot tub, and a lap pool and a steam room with menthol steam, and all the white towels your heart could ever desire, and so I’ve started using all of those things.
Religiously.
(Can a youth director say the word “religiously” like that, all out of context?)
(Eh, only like three people from church read my blog and I don’t think they’ll mind).
(Hi Rachel! Hi Ralph! Hi Karen!)
Anyway, so ya, I’ve gotten pretty good at the whole swimming thing. I feel like I need to spend most of my time in the pool, because for $60 a month, using just the elliptical would be a huge ripoff.
(Yes, dues are $60 a month).
(Because they are, and because they have a hot tub and a lap pool and a steam room with menthol steam and all the white towels your heart could ever desire).
Right now I would like to brag about the fact that I can swim 20 laps.
Laps as in “there and back” is one. So that’s 40 lengths.
And I wasn’t even very tired when I did that today.
Also, one of the kids in the youth group is like a dolphin or Michael Phelps or something (Hi Chris!), so he explained to me how to do the flip at the end of each length, so I can just swim continuously. The other day, while wearing my goggles, ear plugs and nose plug, my roommate watched me do the flip and she said it looked mostly right, so if you were worried I looked dumb while swimming, you’re wrong. I just look super cool.
My goal is to get up to 32 laps, which would be a mile. I’m pretty sure I can do that, because as they say at this magical place “I can do it all in My LIFETIME.”
