random thoughts – Page 10 – The only certainty is bad grammar

is two hours of fetch excessive?

September 9, 2008 Crystal medium, random thoughts, shadow

holy crap. why the heck have i never had a dog before?

seriously.

fetch with a wet tennis ball is AMAZING.

i recently have been given the privilege of living with a dog (see above), and that topped with the fact that my mom recently got a dog (hi Shadow!) means that all i want do is use this blog to write about the life lessons I’ve learned via puppies

(i.e. unconditional love rocks, the 10-second rule is totally valid (in dog years it’s a 70-second rule), it’s never good to pee where you sleep, daily walks rule and getting excited to see somebody makes everyone’s day better).

but i HATE when people talk about the stupid life lessons they supposedly learned from their pets.

so instead, im going to tell you how i LOVE making up thoughts for dogs.

as in: he’s probably thinking “i love crystal”

he’s probably thinking “im in charge here. humans are stupid.”

he’s probably thinking “there’s too many puddles outside today, I’ll have to pee inside.”

he’s probably thinking “if i dig enough, i’ll totally make my way through this plastic cage.”

see how FUNNY they are?

ha.

i crack myself up.

the only problem is, these dog-thoughts have started to replace my own real human thoughts.

im thinking it’s all the more the proof that (in the words of my friend the writer) I want to be reincarnated as a dog.

GO PUPPIES!

p.s. Dear God, thank you for not making me allergic to dogs. Amen.

maybe a real drug addiction would help

September 5, 2008 Crystal medium, random thoughts

so there i am enjoying my happy little life in my new AMAZING apartment yesterday, when i start getting depressed.

and i can’t put my finger on why, except to say that i feel like i actually MISS my long-a$$ commute, and i wish i was more tired. and that maybe i should try to apply for a wal-mart manager job because heck ya, im a people person.

i grab my favorite weakness (a coke) and almost put the effort into crying.

but then, my friend the writer calls and after i sigh about 16 times he’s all, “omg, you’re addicted to stress.”

except he didn’t actually say “omg,” because he would NEVER talk like that in a million years.

he’s a writer people.

anyway, i realize that i am, in fact, crazy.

and i only feel like a valid person when im exhausted.

and that’s why (close your eyes mom) i like being hungover on saturday’s some time. not ALL the time. im not a d*mn alcoholic people. i just like feeling validated for sleeping all day. and a hangover kinda forces that on you.

and after i discovered my addiction, i took a hot bath.

because i was so stressed out about it.

wait.

FRICK.

i need help.

we’ll go ahead and call this a regularly appearing feature: random thoughts 2

August 27, 2008 Crystal humor, im cool, medium, random thoughts

So since I’ve been so, so bad at blogging lately, I’ve decided that a good way to post in the middle of the week is to do a list of random thoughts. without further adu (is that how you spell adu?) here is my second installment of random thoughts. (read first installment here.)

· I signed up for political text message updates from MSNBC, and they are seriously sending me 10 a day during the convention. I’m pretty sure my co-workers think I’m popular because my phone keeps lighting up, but really I’m just a nerd who’s finding out things like ‘Confirmed – Bill Clinton will not attend Barack Obama’s speech Thursday evening’ and ‘Anti -war protesters at Pepsi center-War vets w/bullhorns demand to give letter to BO. One police helicopter is circling. The air space is close otherwise.’

· I really, really don’t want to move this weekend. and when I do move, I may not have a bed for like a week. I’m too scared to ask my new roommate if I can sleep on her couch.

· Why can’t anyone invent a good sports bra? Either it goes over your head and provides awkward support that hinders your ability to breath, or it connects in that back and offers no support what so ever. someone at NASA should get on this.

· I’m actually liking my job, although I have this constant fear that I’m going to screw something up and ruin the world.

· My aunt sent me this video and you need to go watch it right this second. I tried to embed imbed put it in this post, but I couldn’t figure out how. don’t be lazy. click the link and watch it right now.

· I spent my last $3.20 at mcdonald’s yesterday. I totally bought three items off the dollar menu and then I felt guilty for spending my last $3.20 at McDonalds.

· Who do you think the next president will be?

· today I stood in line for 1 hour and 12 minutes just to get a free burrito at the new chipotle in crystal lake. what? I like free food, and remember. I just spent my last $3.20 at mcdonalds so it was either that or peanut butter and jelly at home.

· ok. seriously folks. i really don’t want to move AGAIN this weekend.

· how long do you think i can get by wearing flip-flops? late october at least, right?

· today was the first time someone asked me how old I was since my birthday. I confidently replied “25? yes. twenty. five.”

· my mom just got a black berry and now she reads my blog on it, so I feel like i should blog more. (hi mom!).

· if i ever get married, im totally eloping.

· seriously. hold me to this.

· I’m really glad God invented spell check.