Too personal for the internet.
Me: Ya. So, I really wanted to lose 3 more pounds.
Bronson: Three pounds. Dude. You could take a Midol and lose that!
Me: Ha. Ya. I guess. I was 198 when I started. Now I’m 144. I’d like to be 141.
Bronson: Oh my God. Is that even healthy?
Me: What do you mean?
Bronson: That seems really low.
Me: Aww. That’s nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
(p.s. I’m not anorexic. It is totally healthy).
Dear Sun,
WOW!
I mean, well, just. Wow.
It’s been so, so, so, so, long.
So. Long.
I was really worried about you. The days starting ending at 3 p.m., and I thought maybe I’d never see you again. I thought it would be dark outside forever, and that the snow would be here until I die, and that winter would never, ever end.
But now.
YOU’VE CAME BACK!
And it’s glorious!
Glorious like a big batch of warm chocolate chip cookies, or the latest issue of TIME Magazine, or saving money on my car insurance, or neon lime-green shirts, or Johnny Depp in 3D or a first kiss.
Simply glorious.
I missed you an insane amount. I missed you more than journalism misses the 90s. More than my Catholic friend Diana misses meat on Fridays. Heck, I missed you more than Tiger Woods misses Nov. 24, 2009.
Seriously.
I’m so glad you came back. Please, never leave me again.
Love (Yes, love),
Crystal
I got up at 4:30 a.m. today because I am obviously insane.
And I’ll probably do the same tomorrow.
I’m genuinely scared that the five girl scout cookies I ate this afternoon will somehow turn into 15 pounds.
Seriously. This is me. I think that. I believe that five girl scout cookies will some how mean an additional pant size.
So, I will get up at 4:30 a.m., poke in my contacts (which will kind of burn because they weren’t even out of my eyes long enough to become clean), plop into a car colder than ice (ICE!) and drive to jazzercize half-asleep, all while wearing a sports bra that I’ve worn for like three other classes this week.
I’ll smell awesome.
You kinda want me right now, don’t you?
I mean, you know I do all this, to make you want me.
And also the girl scout cookies. Actually, mostly the girl scout cookies. Because those things are awesome.