Johnny Depp totally touched my hand!!!! — TWICE!!!

It’s ok. go ahead. be jealous. get it all out of your system.

because I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, monday night, when I got off work, i walked over to the caution tape behind the Oshkosh Public Library, (which is right next to the REAL-LIFE “base camp” for the movie Public Enemies staring Johnny Depp) and waited.

i pushed my way up front because of some vague rumors that my future husband (Mr. Johnny Depp) could possibly, maybe, sort of do a meet-and-greet.

I gave my last $5 to a con man who sold me a 8×10 glossy photo of Johnny Depp. (people do stupid things when they’re in love. don’t judge me.)* 

and I waited.

I practiced sticking my right hand through the barricade.

then my left.

then my right.

then both.

then my right again.

probably the hardest decision of my life.

I talked to all the other gawkers. including  a really, really tall man (he was like 6 foot 5. seriously.) and because I was shorter than the barricades, the tall man gave me minute-by-minute updates on what was going on. 

he would be all ‘people are lining up.’

and then I would be all ‘oh, if I faint make sure you take me to Aurora Medical Center, because then my insurance will cover it”

and then he would be all ‘i think his body guard is coming’

and then I would be all ‘i hope my hands aren’t too cold for Johnny Depp’

and then he would be all, ‘I hope my friend gets a picture of me shaking Johnny’s hand’

and then I would be all ‘ya. I hope so too.’

and then!!!! 

tall-man was all ‘I see Johnny Depp! he’s shaking people’s hands!!!!’

and Johnny Depp WAS shaking people’s hands!!! and i stayed super calm, because the security lady said she’d make Johnny Depp leave if I freaked out.

so, I was all ‘I’mcalm.I’mcalm.I’mcalm.I’mcalm.’

but i think it sounded a little more like the opposite of calm. I don’t really care though, because the security lady totally bought it (I’m pretty convincing).

and i totally got to shake Johnny Depp’s hand!!!!!!!!

and! because some stupid guy (not the tall guy, another guy) tried to reach over and get all up in MY hand shake the first time Johnny Depp shook my hand, he totally back tracked on the roap line enough put his awesome hand over mine AGAIN and look me right in the eye and say ‘nice to meet you.’

and i could totally tell that he really did think it was nice to meet me.

And yes, I’m still a few steps away from marrying him. but hand touching is SO much closer than i was 24 hours ago. so I’m pretty optimistic.

did i mention that I’m SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!! because I am!

*(note to self: sell $4.50-cent photos of Johnny Depp tuesday, wednesday and thursday. make enough to pay off student loans.)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Here’s a link to an AWESOME video of Johnny Depp working the rope line taken by a fellow reporter! I was a little further down, but you get the basic idea!



so. happy.

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  1. Woot! Congrats! Sounds amazing. I love Johnny Depp, though, don’t worry, I have no plans to marry him.

    I have yet to meet anyone famous myself…but I have zero stalking abilities. Plus I live in the Gulf. So…yeah, good luck meeting anyone ‘Hollywood’. Good luck on your future JD plans!

  2. I one-thousand percent share your happiness. And just because I also shook Johnny Depp’s hand and locked a glance with those soulful brown eyes totally doesn’t mean I can’t be objective the rest of the week. Right?


  3. This sounds like the beginning of another freakin’ hilarious chapter in your drop-dead, shit-I-just-wet-myself funny book I know you are secretly working on.
    Move over Tina Fey. Step aside Amy Poehler.
    Once you’re a famous author, you probably will bang Johnny Depp. BECAUSE YOU ROCK!

  4. OK Crystal, time to rank all the famous people you’ve met/stalked:
    a. Barack Obama
    b. Hillary Clinton
    c. Johnny Depp
    d. Ted Nugent (inside joke for you Dispatch/Argus readers)
    Seriously, keep on keepin’ tabs on all those celeb sightings in Oshkosh.

  5. OMG!!! OMG! aaaaaaaaaaaa
    you’ve met johnny depp!!
    i can’t believe it!!!
    i love him ♥
    please, please, add me!
    I’d like you explain me how that was!! Have you got any picture?

    You are very very lucky!! You haven’t got idea how i want to be you xD
    please, add my e-mail.
    I’m from Argentina, I’m sorry if my english is bad 😛


  6. Yeah, It is awesome to see Johnny Depp and Christian Bale on Public Enemies. I was in Crown Point Indiana and saw Depp and Chicago and saw Bale. But what got me a bit mor ehappy is the crew and other cast members also who where awesome to talk with and take photos with. One person in particular caught everyone eyes, even mine. His name is Brent Allen Caputo. I added a link to his career page as I found it doing a search on him and he does acting, stunts, radio well I guess you can see it for yourself. I had him sign my ipod while he was doing autographs oh’ he did stand-in for public enemies and does photo double work for alot of film and television projects. Later. Do your own search n him.

  7. dude u kno that he’s married right????

    and he lives in france???

    and also … u r a bit OBSESED!!!1

  8. I can’t believe you met johnny depp. He is like my ultimate favorite actor! unfortunately for me, I will never be able to meet him for myself because I am on the other side of the globe in the Philippines… But i did write a letter to him, I dont know if he’ll get it or not. I am so jealous right now..


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