those with doctorates are fine, it’s doctors i hate

well the book i read about bein’ vegan SAID my stomach would hurt for like a month after i gave up everything-animal — i assumed it was related to some sort of cheese withdrawal — but it’s been like 2.5 months now, and my stomach still freaking hurts.

oh, and i’m STILL dizzy.

Now, a NORMAL person probably would go see a doctor if they were having stomach problems and getting dizzy.

but im a STUPID person, who likes to rationalize things away under the assumption that my health problems will fix themselves. (i do this with cars too). so in that spirit, here is a list of ten reasons why I really, really, really, don’t want to go see a doctor:

1. i freaking hate finding a doctor covered by my insurance.

2. oh ya, and actually, i just hate insurance companies. they’re so manipulative. they say things like ‘oh, you just have to pay $10 and we’ll cover the rest,’ but what they mean is ‘oh, we said TEN dollars? well, we’ll just bill you the other $3,500 for that test we don’t cover. no big deal right?’

3. i hate when doctors are judgemental. and this really makes me mad, because my junior high health teacher told me this wouldn’t be a problem. so not only do i feel judged, i feel lied to.

4. im worried the doctor will tell me i need to lose weight.

5. and then i will tell the doctor that i’m LOSING weight because im vegan.

6. and then the doctor will tell me that being a vegan is SUPER unhealthy. so I’ll feel guilty about my weight AND my diet. and I’ll go home and cry.

Read more “those with doctorates are fine, it’s doctors i hate”

  • Share/Bookmark

confessions of an imperfect vegan

well, the good news is: Festival Foods (you know, the grocery store that always has a par-tay! going on inside) started carring vegan “macaroni and alfredo” in a box! and they called me (they’re favorite annoying vegan) on Saturday to say they’d also be carrying vegan “macaroni and cheese” in a box.

yum.

the  bad news is: i may-have-kind-of-sort-of bought some shoes with a touch of leather.

just a touch.

HEY! i NEED comfortable work shoes.

and i don’t even care what you think of me.

seriously.

i don’t.

stop giving me that look.

stop it.

because i don’t care.

and you know what? YOU can judge me when YOU give up cheese for three months.

ha.

i TOLD you.

and you know what else!? when YOU want to give me like $550 so i can buy a collection of vegan shoes, send me a check. until then, i really don’t care what you think.

really.

i don’t.

and p.s. my body wash totally isn’t tested on animals, so im thinking that MORE than makes up for the shoes.

  • Share/Bookmark

d@mn you taco bell. d@mn you.

Bein vegan is hard and because I just don’t want to bring a lunch to work every freaking day of my life, sometimes i like to get fast food.

except the only place i can get anything besides french fries and a coke is Taco Bell.

i usually go with the seven-layer burrito minus the cheese and sour cream.

and yesterday i said into the speaker:

CAN I GET A SEVEN-LAYER BURRITO WITH NO CHEESE AND NO SOUR CREAM?!

and the lady was all:

DO YOU WANT THE GUACAMOLE THEN?

and then i was all:

umm. whhhhhhhy? does that have sour cream in it?

her:

YES.

me:

sh*t. thanks for ruining my life.

NO GUACAMOLE THEN EITHER. THANKS.

her:

ANY HOT, FIRE OR MILD SAUCE?

me:

mild.

and then i pulled around to the window with a tear in my eye.

and no, i’m NOT mad that i’ve been eating the stupid guacamolesourcream for months without knowing its secret life — i’ve already accepted the fact that it’s impossible to be a perfect vegan — but i AM sad that my seven-layer burrito just officially became a four-layer burrito.

sigh. bein vegan is hard.

  • Share/Bookmark