vegan – Page 13 – The only certainty is bad grammar

vegan motzerella sucks

April 12, 2008 Crystal anti-meat, medium

well, I guess it’s official. I’ll never eat cheese pizza again for the rest of my stupid lame vegan life.

I bought some vegan ‘motzerella’ cheese and some vegan pizza crust and some vegan pizza sauce (although, I’m not sure there’s such a thing as non-vegan pizza sauce, but whatever) and i mixed it all together, put it in the oven at 450 degrees for 10 min and waited.

but the cheese “cheese” didn’t melt. at. all. and it kind of just looked like pieces of white plastic on top of the pizza. and i did bring my self to take one bite. but then that bite was AWFUL, so i threw the entire thing in the garbage.

and ate a humus sandwich with tomatoes on organic bread. with organic pretzels. and water.

maybe i’ll get to eat some cheese pizza in heaven. or my next life — depending on which religion turns out to be right.

why i hate social eating (and by extension America)

April 3, 2008 Crystal anti-meat, medium

so we had this thing called a “griller” at work today. for all you normal people out there, “griller” actually means “cook-out.” Although, i guess this wasn’t “out” because it was like 32 degrees “out”side, and we had to have it in an old warehouse.

i know. fun. times.

well, all freaking week everyone at work was all “DON’T WORRY! we got YOU special vegan burgers for our griller!”

and i was all “yay.” only i wasn’t being sarcastic. i REALLY was excited about this stupid vegan burger.

but THEN! ohhhhh. snap.

i got downstairs and all the vegan burgers were taken. and when i found that there were no vegan burgers left, i cried on the inside. (and shed a tear on the outside).

AND! seeing as how I’m the only vegan and one of like three vegetarians at my job, im pretty sure MINE was taken by a stupid meat-eater.

a very stupid meat-eater. and whoever it was, i now hate them. seriously. hate.

and THEN! i accidentally ate some damn powdered cheese on a potato chip. although, i’m told that said “powdered cheese” is so far from real cheese that it doesn’t count.

to top everything off, some stupid meat-eater was all “oh, you can’t eat anything? don’t you think it would be healthier to have a piece of chicken instead of that pepsi you’re drinking?”

hey idiot! i WAS going to be healthy with a vegan burger, until some stupid meat eater like yourself ATE it!

BTW, i killed that guy. (true story.)

randomly me

March 26, 2008 Crystal anti-meat, journalism, medium, wisconsin

I’ve been a writing a crapload of stuff for work lately and all those coherent articles have made it hard for me to post anything long. so instead of a regular post, tonight you’ll be getting a list of random thoughts. enjoy:

*I finally got my freaking Wisconsin Driver’s license. and it’s pink. so that almost makes up for the fact that my face is the size of a cannon ball in the mug shot.

*anyone who isn’t an organ donor is a stupidhead. and i wouldn’t want their organs anyway.

*i really am happy it’s finally freaking nice outside.

*i’m still a vegan and i’ve lost weight. like 10 pounds. (true story).

*i’m pretty excited that the woman at Festival Foods said she’d order the vegan mac’n cheese in a box if i told her the brand name.

*i wish i made more money. and i’m not talking gobs of cash, i just wish i made enough to pay ALL my bills EVERY month. (is that even a real thing for other people?)

*i kind of miss mozzarella.

*my couch is coming FRIDAY! and I plan to have people over next week for a viewing. it’s expected to be fun times. Also, I’m pretty happy that i won’t have to sit on the floor to put my shoes on anymore. I think that officially makes me a grown-up.

*as for dating: I’m not sure what i’m looking for, i just know that i haven’t found it yet.

*Johnny Depp is coming to oshkosh (where i live) like next week. I’m thinking he’ll want to marry me because I’m awesome.

*i wish i had a dresser.

*my kitchen light is out and i have NO idea how to replace it, so i cook in romantic lightening every night — even though im so very single.

*I’m pretty sure Wisconsin is going to go all the way in that bracket thingy i’m doing. “how sure?” you ask. sure enough to bet $5 george washington’s on it, that’s how sure.

*blogs are fun. every girl should own one.