The only certainty is bad grammar – Page 119 – Too personal for the internet.

a trip to the car doctor

Published: May 14, 2009 / Updated: May 15, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

fine. whatever. i finally went to get a stupid, lame oil change.

i know. i should have gotten it like 7,000 miles ago. I KNOW. leave me alone. paying for car-anything sucks. i hate paying for car crap with all my heart. we should all just be happy that i manage to fill it up with gas on a regular basis. ok?

so ya, since i finally took my lovely green escourt to the car doctor, i knew it was time to talk about THE SOUND.

some have thought it was a space ship. some have thought it was a tornado siren. some have thought my car was actually talking. (hi april).

it’s been making this weird high-pitched flute-like noise, for oh, umm, about a year or so. no seriously. a year.

and i’ve just been going around ignoring it while turning up my radio. but now summer is here again, and i keep rolling down my window. and then, of course, i can hear it. and well, i was told yesterday that it would actually be much, much worse if say my car just up and died on me, then it would be to pay whatever it costs to fix it, so i really need to get it fixed asap, and well, when you put it that way. fine.

so i asked the mechanics to check it out. and then one of them realized that the noise was coming from my oil dip stick, which was hitting something because of a crazy suction problem. and im not going to lie, i kind of thought this was funny.

the mechanic did NOT think this was funny.

and he explained to me that it was being caused because of some weird air pattern from my engine.

and i asked him how bad it was, like was my car going to blow up?

and he said, very seriously, that he did not know. but it could.

and that i NEED to get it looked at by a dealer like yesterday. but then, he went and jimmy rigged it, so it doesn’t make that noise anymore.

me in my head: cool. it’s fixed.

him. reading my thoughts: it is NOT fixed.

me in my head: whatever, i’ll just get it looked at some day.

him. reading my thoughts agian: do NOT wait to get this looked at. in fact. you should drive it directly to the dealer right now.

me in my head,( this time smiling at him, like ‘silly boy, im not going to do that’): ya. that’s not going to happen.

him. using his telepathy power again: no. SERIOUSLY. GET THIS CHECKED NOW.

instead i drove back to work, then home. and i plan to repeat tomorrow.

if you get some weird phone call at 11:27 p.m. tomorrow, please answer. there’s a good chance my car just died on route 14.

star trek, cnn holograms, and fonts

Published: May 13, 2009 / Updated: May 13, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

ok. seriously. how cool does that movie look.

HOW. COOL?!?!?

i need to see this movie. right now. right this very second.

except apparently im so lame that even though I’m a girl (a pretty girl, if i do say so myself) i can’t find even ONE nerdy boy to go see star trek.

not one.

what is WRONG with me?

i figure going alone to see star trek as a girl would just be a new low for me, so it’s looking like i’ll have to wait for the video.

OR, maybe i can meet a boy at the movie. what do you think? is 25 too old to be meeting boys at movie theaters?

speaking of science fiction, what happened to cnn’s holograms? i was SO excited when those came out. i told all my friends that we would forever remember it as the day of the hologram.

forever.

then cnn dropped them quicker than the stock market crashed. *poof* no mention of them on america’s most trusted news network. nothing. nada. zilch. i hereby am officially requesting that CNN bring back the hologram. i want to see that awesomeness in every home in america by 2012 people.

and while we’re on the topic of things that bother me, holy serif, does the space between the lines of my font here annoy the crap out of me. i almost didn’t want to write about it, so as not to draw attention to the annoyance of it all to those of you lucky enough not to have noticed.

i have tried my hardest to tweak whatever is causing it in the design’s html, but i’ve got nothing here people. the closest i came was tuesday when i accidentally made the text supa big because i thought it might squish it together. alas, that did not happen.

i really, really love this stupid design though, so i haven’t give up hope yet.

maybe there’s a nerdy boy on his way to Regal Showplace 16 to see star trek i could ask about this?

Cherry pie FAIL

May 11, 2009 Crystal anti-meat, humor, medium, vegan

see. jayne from the church youth group would have seen this travesty coming from a mile way. when were gathered to make pies as part of the mission trip fundraiser Saturday, she kept insisting that I was going around screwing everything up. telling everyone i can’t property roll dough, rip wax paper or open a can of cherries, and saying things like “way to be crystal. way to be.”

whatever fine. yes. i put holes in the dough, yes. i tore the wax paper and yes. i kind of dropped the tin lid into the cherries.

but alas, i was in denial.

so i tried to take the recipe we used for the fundraiser (provided by the lovely Renee, who goes to our church and makes pie crust like a pastry angle) and bake a cherry pie for my mom last night.

except i suck at making pie crust.

i swear to the oven gods that i used the EXACT recipe i was given. i mixed the oil, flour, salt and cold water EXACTLY as i was told to. and WAM! i get a half-covered pie that has an overbearing wheat flour flavor

i just don’t understand it. i helped roll out 30 crusts Saturday.

THIRTY CRUSTS. what the heck? how did this happen?

i was planning to make a movie-ready pie and then share the specifics with ya’ll, but seeing as how it turned out like a, well, just look at the picture, i think it would be better for all involved if i wait to figure out what went wrong and report back.

for those you who have your own pie crust recipes though and are aching to make a vegan cherry concoction, i WILL tell you that it’s just two cans of cherry pie filling mixed with cinnamon. that’s it. this is one of those awesome baking recipes that’s already vegan and doesn’t have to be tweaked.

and yes, the filling is delicious.

but even that didn’t make me feel better about this whole thing. i mean, it was basically PRE-MADE! just heat. spice and serve.

thankfully, my mom loves me so much that she barely even noticed how much i had screwed up, and even cleaned her plate when i gave her a piece.

and that right there folks. well that’s how i know my mother loves me for me.