humor – Page 37 – The only certainty is bad grammar

i don’t have children, so instead we shall all wish my blog a happy brithday

Published: January 22, 2009 / Updated: February 3, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, short

i have about 12 minutes left before my blog’s birthday officially ends, but people, i had to work all freaking day. what do you want from me?

so here it is. it’s been one year since my first post. and i have to say, i really have grown to love this thing like a person. i think about it all day with a loving smile, and wonder what i’ll get to do to it next when i get back to my precious laptop and search “wordpress plugins” in an effort to track down amazing new features. i buy it gifts, like business cards and its own url. i even find myself reading it like i don’t write the posts.

and sometimes, when i start to forget how wonderful the interweb and mr. wordpress are, magic steps in to remind me. like today, when two of my co-workers were all “your blog is hilarious. i even read one of the entries out loud to my friends” and i was all “really? im funny? well, that’s always been my goal, but i secretly worry that im failing everytime i write a post.”

to all my readers, thank you.

to all my readers who tell their friends and family to read me, super duper thank you

and to all the people who send me spam, fudge off.

in a time of hope, i still manage to worry.

Published: January 21, 2009 / Updated: January 22, 2009 Crystal humor, random thoughts, sh*tty things that happen to me

things that worry me:

1. the sound my phone makes in the middle of the night when i get an email wakes up my roommate down the hall. and she secretly hates me for it.

2. i will go to work tomorrow and be told that my newspaper cannot, in fact, afford to pay me any longer.

3. my car my will break down and because i just spent my $400 life savings on my new laptop, i will be totally screwed.

4. something really bad will happen to our country’s leader.

5. I’ll never have kids.

6. i’ll have kids.

7. the neighbor i steal this internet connection from until my roommate’s router gets fixed will find me and report me to the appropriate internet police.

8. that i chose the wrong career.

9. that the doctor took my gall bladder out, but really i have like an ulcer or something that was causing the pain, and nothing is really fixed.

10. i’ll make a stupid mistake in one of my articles and the world will collapse around me. i.e. that i meant to write shirt, but forgot the r.

11. i’ll never figure out the root of the smell in my car.

12. a really important person, (boss, source, cute guy) will need to sit in my car and then secretly tell everyone that said car smells.

13. that there could be such a thing as “too much taco bell”

14. what if i can never lay on my right side again because my organs shifted after my surgery and everything is messed up.

15. someday i will have to sit through the movie “mall cop”

16. i’ll hit a car when i back out of a parking lot because i can’t see around a humongous suv. (note. this actually happened to me, so it’s not like some crazy random fear people).

17. my inability to spell will finally catch up with me.

18. match.com is so mad at me about dropping my subscription that they’ve started sending two eamils a day. 1. he’s looking at your profile. find out who he is. 2. she’s looking at your profile. find out who she is. Did i give off an unintentional bisexual vibe when i wrote that my turn ons include thunderstorms?

19. this list is too long and nobody will read the whole thing.

20. that i somehow broke the cord that connects my blackberry to my laptop because now it’s super touchy and only kinda works if i press it in to the phone.

hecks ya!! I finally got a freaking laptop

Published: January 19, 2009 / Updated: January 19, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

so last night i forced myself off my couch, away from the Steelers game to the local meijer to get some groceries.

and then i was all “hmm, i shall wonder over to the electronic section to see what this store offers as far as laptops are concerned”

and there she was. a shiny new compaq laptop marked down from $550 to $400. i’ve been shopping the lay of the laptop land long enough to know that was a pretty freaking good deal. AND it had: 2 gb of ram, vista and a dvd burner.

omg.

it was my laptop soulmate.

after about 4 minutes of consideration and a quick call to my mom, i bought her. and YES i now have about $20 in spending money to last through the next month or so, but who cares?! i mean, HOLY CRAP DO I LOVE THIS THING!!!!!!!

what does this mean for you, the reader? well for starters, lots more posting and possibly a resurrection of the daily photo.

and for those of you out there having a heart attack because i didn’t get a freaking apple (which would have been about 32 times more expensive), i have two things to say to you. 1. i make monopoly money at that job of mine. 2. i didn’t see YOU donating anything to my laptop fund.