oshkosh – Page 3 – The only certainty is bad grammar

I totally saw johnny depp (ish)

April 12, 2008 Crystal im cool, Johnny Depp, long, wisconsin

So i think people totally underestimate my stalking abilities. seriously.

and that’s a shame, because I’m really good at stalking.

you see, Johnny Depp is kind of filming a major motion picture (do they still call movies that?) at an airport like one mile from my house. ok, maybe two miles. but two miles is still REALLY close. The movie is called “public enemies” and it’s a 1930s-era gangster flick (ya, ‘flick,’ that’s what they call movies now).

Since i’m in love with Johnny (that’s right, we’re on a FIRST-name basis), I figured I should go say hi and all.

Actually, what happened was, I got off work and thought I’d just go by the airport they were rumored to be filiming at and see if anything was going on. and because God DOES love me (hi God!), stuff was totally going on.

and ya, johnny depp wasn’t there yet, but I had faith.

The first rule of gawking (or as i like to call it, ‘hanging out at a random airport just because’) is to tell EVERYONE you meet that you know someone, who knows someone who knows SOMETHING.

It doesn’t have to be a real ‘something.’ It can be ANYTHING. For example, if you tell someone that you KNOW, with 100-percent certainty, that Johnny Depp only chews peppermint gum, they’ll totally let you use their umbrella.

OR, if you tell someone that Johnny Depp is staying in town, they’ll totally show you the super cool pictures they took with their 14-foot camera lens.

Oh! AND! if you tell someone that you know someone who’s an extra, they’ll give their house. true story. (ish).

I made some quick friends. One, I’m a pretty good at saying things i don’t really know about with an air of authority. Two, everyone was just SO EXCITED about johnny coming, that they didn’t seem to notice that they didn’t actually know me. and Three, i just look like a nice girl.

all this helped me get to the VERY FRONT of the fence we couldn’t cross.

the second rule of gawking is to bring binoculars. i didn’t know this rule, but a girl in a red coat standing next to me totally did. and since she had just become my new best friend, she totally let me borrow them!

and THEN!

randomly me

March 26, 2008 Crystal anti-meat, journalism, medium, wisconsin

I’ve been a writing a crapload of stuff for work lately and all those coherent articles have made it hard for me to post anything long. so instead of a regular post, tonight you’ll be getting a list of random thoughts. enjoy:

*I finally got my freaking Wisconsin Driver’s license. and it’s pink. so that almost makes up for the fact that my face is the size of a cannon ball in the mug shot.

*anyone who isn’t an organ donor is a stupidhead. and i wouldn’t want their organs anyway.

*i really am happy it’s finally freaking nice outside.

*i’m still a vegan and i’ve lost weight. like 10 pounds. (true story).

*i’m pretty excited that the woman at Festival Foods said she’d order the vegan mac’n cheese in a box if i told her the brand name.

*i wish i made more money. and i’m not talking gobs of cash, i just wish i made enough to pay ALL my bills EVERY month. (is that even a real thing for other people?)

*i kind of miss mozzarella.

*my couch is coming FRIDAY! and I plan to have people over next week for a viewing. it’s expected to be fun times. Also, I’m pretty happy that i won’t have to sit on the floor to put my shoes on anymore. I think that officially makes me a grown-up.

*as for dating: I’m not sure what i’m looking for, i just know that i haven’t found it yet.

*Johnny Depp is coming to oshkosh (where i live) like next week. I’m thinking he’ll want to marry me because I’m awesome.

*i wish i had a dresser.

*my kitchen light is out and i have NO idea how to replace it, so i cook in romantic lightening every night — even though im so very single.

*I’m pretty sure Wisconsin is going to go all the way in that bracket thingy i’m doing. “how sure?” you ask. sure enough to bet $5 george washington’s on it, that’s how sure.

*blogs are fun. every girl should own one.

see, my job is important

February 27, 2008 Crystal journalism, medium

So, I kind of live in a town that most of my family on my mom’s side is from ( i KNOW random) and today i went to the local library to find an old newspaper article about the day my grand-grandparents died in a fire. and i flipped through the “best copy available” of the microfilm from the Oshkosh Northwestern circa 1949. (apparently THESE are what they used before computers, or something?) and there it was. on the front page of the Dec. 4, 1949 Oshkosh Daily Northwestern “Oshkosh home destroyed. Burns take lives of three.”

and it was SO weird to read the article. because it was MY family. the people who died in that fire were the people who got together one night (maybe after a few too many drinks?? hm? hm?) and made a baby. and that baby grew up and got together with someone else and had another baby, and after a few more babies — there was me. and they were REAL people. who had REAL lives. and then died. tragically. in a fire. and there’s SO much information in that article that i never would have known if Northwestern Reporter Robert Kirz hadn’t taken the time to write that article.

but because of him, i do know. i know that the fire wasn’t started by my family, it was started by their landlord. I know how old they were when they died. i know what time it all when down. and because reporters used to get more than six inches to tell a story, i also know where my great-grandparents met and worked.

and it all made me realize that reporters are important, because they are writing our history on a daily basis. and as the media keeps changing, their main goal remains the same — to figure out what happened to who and then tell other people about it so that the next day, the next month and the next century people can know what happened in say, a fire in oshkosh, wis. circa 1949.