May 2009 – Page 3 – The only certainty is bad grammar

star trek, cnn holograms, and fonts

Published: May 13, 2009 / Updated: May 13, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

ok. seriously. how cool does that movie look.

HOW. COOL?!?!?

i need to see this movie. right now. right this very second.

except apparently im so lame that even though I’m a girl (a pretty girl, if i do say so myself) i can’t find even ONE nerdy boy to go see star trek.

not one.

what is WRONG with me?

i figure going alone to see star trek as a girl would just be a new low for me, so it’s looking like i’ll have to wait for the video.

OR, maybe i can meet a boy at the movie. what do you think? is 25 too old to be meeting boys at movie theaters?

speaking of science fiction, what happened to cnn’s holograms? i was SO excited when those came out. i told all my friends that we would forever remember it as the day of the hologram.

forever.

then cnn dropped them quicker than the stock market crashed. *poof* no mention of them on america’s most trusted news network. nothing. nada. zilch. i hereby am officially requesting that CNN bring back the hologram. i want to see that awesomeness in every home in america by 2012 people.

and while we’re on the topic of things that bother me, holy serif, does the space between the lines of my font here annoy the crap out of me. i almost didn’t want to write about it, so as not to draw attention to the annoyance of it all to those of you lucky enough not to have noticed.

i have tried my hardest to tweak whatever is causing it in the design’s html, but i’ve got nothing here people. the closest i came was tuesday when i accidentally made the text supa big because i thought it might squish it together. alas, that did not happen.

i really, really love this stupid design though, so i haven’t give up hope yet.

maybe there’s a nerdy boy on his way to Regal Showplace 16 to see star trek i could ask about this?

Cherry pie FAIL

May 11, 2009 Crystal anti-meat, humor, medium, vegan

see. jayne from the church youth group would have seen this travesty coming from a mile way. when were gathered to make pies as part of the mission trip fundraiser Saturday, she kept insisting that I was going around screwing everything up. telling everyone i can’t property roll dough, rip wax paper or open a can of cherries, and saying things like “way to be crystal. way to be.”

whatever fine. yes. i put holes in the dough, yes. i tore the wax paper and yes. i kind of dropped the tin lid into the cherries.

but alas, i was in denial.

so i tried to take the recipe we used for the fundraiser (provided by the lovely Renee, who goes to our church and makes pie crust like a pastry angle) and bake a cherry pie for my mom last night.

except i suck at making pie crust.

i swear to the oven gods that i used the EXACT recipe i was given. i mixed the oil, flour, salt and cold water EXACTLY as i was told to. and WAM! i get a half-covered pie that has an overbearing wheat flour flavor

i just don’t understand it. i helped roll out 30 crusts Saturday.

THIRTY CRUSTS. what the heck? how did this happen?

i was planning to make a movie-ready pie and then share the specifics with ya’ll, but seeing as how it turned out like a, well, just look at the picture, i think it would be better for all involved if i wait to figure out what went wrong and report back.

for those you who have your own pie crust recipes though and are aching to make a vegan cherry concoction, i WILL tell you that it’s just two cans of cherry pie filling mixed with cinnamon. that’s it. this is one of those awesome baking recipes that’s already vegan and doesn’t have to be tweaked.

and yes, the filling is delicious.

but even that didn’t make me feel better about this whole thing. i mean, it was basically PRE-MADE! just heat. spice and serve.

thankfully, my mom loves me so much that she barely even noticed how much i had screwed up, and even cleaned her plate when i gave her a piece.

and that right there folks. well that’s how i know my mother loves me for me.

things that make my mom rock

May 10, 2009 Crystal anti-meat, blackberry, humor, medium

it’s not like i can go around ignoring a news peg like Mother’s Day. I’m a REPORTER people. so i will now take this opportunity to mention few specific things that make my mom rock.

she always gives me $10 $20 $50 in gas money when i visit.
she loves great america as much as i do.
and water parks.
she never pressures me to give her grandkids.
she always pays when we go out for dinner.
she helps me move like three times a year, even after all my other family members disown me.
speaking of helping me move, when i got a job in south dakota, she didn’t even blink when i needed her to drive 15 hours in -80 degree weather across half the country to the mount rushmore state.
im 25, but she still pays my cell phone bill.
when i date losers, she gives me the space to figure it out by myself.
she buys tofurky when i visit and even tells me she LIKES the way it taste.
while we’re talking about tofurky, she has NEVER discouraged my veganism.
she’s my biggest fan.
when we fight, we always make up.
she reads my twitter even though she barely knows what twitter is.
she laughs at all my jokes
she’s my mom.