I want you to want me like I want girl scout cookies

I got up at 4:30 a.m. today because I am obviously insane.

And I’ll probably do the same tomorrow.

I’m genuinely scared that the five girl scout cookies I ate this afternoon will somehow turn into 15 pounds.

Seriously. This is me. I think that. I believe that five girl scout cookies will some how mean an additional pant size.

So, I will get up at 4:30 a.m.,  poke in my contacts (which will kind of burn because they weren’t even out of my eyes long enough to become clean), plop into a car colder than ice (ICE!) and drive to jazzercize half-asleep, all while wearing a sports bra that I’ve worn for like three other classes this week.

I’ll smell awesome.

You kinda want me right now, don’t you?

I mean, you know I do all this, to make you want me.

And also the girl scout cookies. Actually, mostly the girl scout cookies. Because those things are awesome.

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Top 5 ways in which the recession isn’t total crap.

First, I need everyone to know that my deep-rooted hatred of the recession is very real. I hate it more than flossing, getting oil changes and paying my student loans, combined. I hate it more than Jay Leno, more than watching golf, and more than speeding tickets.

But. Well. See. Last night, I was watching Desperate Housewives while eating a piece of my $5 hot-and-ready pizza from Little Caesars, and I started to see some upsides. I figured I should write them down so I can read though it the next time I’m living for a week on Ramen Noodles.

5. Tons, and tons and tons of story ideas.

I’ve written about 7,493 stories for work that somehow related to the horrid economy. And my fellow reporters have done the same. Want to know how the recession effected napkin sales, or obesity, or both? We probably did a front-pager on all three.

With that many articles, it’s hard not end up with some really good stuff, like the series of vignettes I wrote about the unemployed, and the great articles about failing city developments and pieces on school districts cutting everything but math and water fountains. Really fun to dig into and share with the world.

4. Things are super cheap.

UMM, $5 for a hot-and-ready pizza. FIVE DOLLARS! That is just insane. Amazing. A whole freaking pizza for $5! AND, Six Flags season passes are on sale for $64.99. For a SEASON PASS! As in, it’s good for the WHOLE SEASON.

I can buy all my clothes on clearance for less than $8 at even the expensive places, like Gap. Cricket offers unlimited everything plus one for cell phones for $25 a month. Subway sells foot-long sandwiches for $5. Houses sell for $3 (ish). And GoogleVoice is FREE!!!

It’s great. I love it. I mean, sure, the prices are low because nobody has any money, but it’s still exciting.

3. My job is no longer my top priority.

When my whole life centered on my career, I had to be the best all the time everyday no matter what, because if I wasn’t then suddenly all the sacrifice wasn’t worth it. But then, the recession came and pummeled my industry. Suddenly, being the best didn’t even matter. There were no raises, no promotions, no job prospects. Being the best at my job turned into the equivalent of being the best at Facebook’s Farmville – nobody cared.

I still work hard, and I will never, ever reach a point where an article with my name on it isn’t the best it could be. But I don’t feel so bad about leaving, say, ON TIME, or saying “No” to an assignment.

And with that, comes a freedom to have a life.

2. I lost a ton of weight.

I had been trying to lose weight since the day before forever, but it was never at the top of my to-do list. The top half of that list included things such as: Find a new job. Move to where new job is. Repeat.

But then, the recession came and killed all the new jobs, so I had to go down to the second half of my list. And there it was. “Lose weight.”

Being in the same place, with a steady life and access to a steady stream of exercise and food choices did a lot to help me meet that goal. And I’m really happy I did.

1. I grew closer to God.

It is possible to have a strong relationship with God when you move to a new church every six to eight months, but it’s possible like me fitting into size 2 jeans is possible or the Cubs winning a World Series this year is possible.

My newfound steady living situation helped me to really get involved with my church on a level I never would have imagined when I was moving at both the beginning and end of every football season. I’m leading the youth group, attending fundraising events, and really connecting during praise and worship services.

And, well, when you have $4 to last the week, it’s hard NOT to turn to God for help. But, later, when money magically appears from some random source, it’s hard not to say thanks to the big man then too.

By using God as my crutch, he somehow turned into my friend. Seems like a little economic downturn is a small price to pay for all that.

Wouldn’t mind if the economy kicked into high gear anyday now though. Just sayin’.

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My Jesus stamp.

Saturday night, I made a last-minute decision to go out.

And by last-minute, I mean an old friend had invited me to go out on Saturday night like last week, but he’s notorious for breaking plans, so I didn’t think he’d actually follow through, and then when he did, I was all “Umm, Ok. I guess I can meet up with you.”

But it ended up being mid-night by the time I got to the club and I had to be to church by 9 a.m., so this was kind of a stupid decision.

Some people were like, “just skip church” but youth group leaders can never “just skip church.” So I hunkered down, and told my body that I’d be up all night and then do church and then sleep forever.

I also brought a toothbrush in case I ended up going straight from “friends in Palatine” to “church in Woodstock.”

But then, just in case I was having any doubt whatsoever about making it to church on time, God appeared.

While, actually, it was his son. On my hand.

Everyone’s hand.

It was the bar’s stamp showing you’d paid cover.

What the heck kind of bar does that? It’s like putting calorie counts on French fries, or having a little clock tell you how much of your life you just wasted on Facebook . It’s weird.

I mean, I wasn’t planning to go on some sort of sin rampage or anything, but still.

Seeing the son of God just chilling on my right hand, smiling at me, like he knew something was throwing me off. It was like he was planning to intervene later if needed. And for some reason, he thought it’d be needed.

The bartender tried to claim it was a picture of the DJ, but that made no sense at all, seeing as how there was a BAND playing.

Clearly, I made it to church on time. Early, actually.

IMG00842

– My Jesus stamp.

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